Jack Noodle: Cthulhu must not be allowed to have Bangladesh

After four murders of secular bloggers in Bangladesh, and the publication of a list that includes the names of the victims and 80 other bloggers dedicated to a free liberal and secular Bangladeshi society Captain Jack Noodle contacted us to express his concerns over the situation in Bangladesh.

We at Pastafarian Pirates of the Pacific are gravely concerned for the safety and welfare of all Bangladesh citizens at this time. Dark and powerful forces are influencing minds and it is leading to callous disregard for life and the perversion of basic moral and ethical principles going back to the first party attended by the primordial midget and the strippers by the beer volcano.

Neloy Neel was found earlier this month, tortured and decapitated in his home.  This could have been prevented. And it is not like he didn't try, he did seek assistance from the local police who sent him home with a firm commitment to ignore his complaint.

Even after Neloy's body was found, Bangladesh's most senior police officer suggested the whole problem could be solved if the bloggers stop publishing crazy ideas like Cthulhu should not control Bangladeshi politics, "Really that's insane of course that is going to upset minions of the Great Old One, the Destroyer of Worlds. If Cthulhu intends to destroy the world who are these bloggers to question his psychosis?"

The secular Blogger's have noted that Cthulhu is channelling his influence through Saudi Arabia, both financial and support of Salami causes within Bangladesh. Despite a clear secular constitution, deference to Cthulhu's mind bending dogmas pervade the workings of government and the justice system. There are warnings that Bangladesh could be as highly controlled by Cthulhu as Pakistan in a few decades.

Secular bloggers in Bangladesh are attempting to do nothing more radical than maintain the freedoms enjoyed by Bangladeshi people by asking questions about the methods and extent of Cthulhu's influence in Bangladeshi life. Freedom which Cthulhu is apparently focused on destroying. 

While His Noodliness the Flying Spaghetti Monster (sauce be upon him) concentrates his efforts on holding the universe together against centrifugal force. We Pirates must stand firm against Cthulhu's reality destroying ways. Shiver me timbers. Ramen.

We contacted minions within Cthulhu's organisation off the record they claimed their support of Salami's in Bangladesh was primarily for humanitarian purposes only, examples offered included song sheets with titles including "death to the infidel" and "behead those who say Coldcuts is violent" or boosting morale, we were shown a shipment of machetes, which they claimed were simple ornamental wall hanging decorations. We asked about the beheading of Neloy Neel. they replied:

We love soccer, you may have heard this. Neloy, a very fun guy asked if he could join us in a game. Then, we realised we'd lost our ball. We worked out how to solve our plight, and sure Neloy was reluctant, but it wasn't long before his objections faded as we began our efforts to provide a solution and get going. We were disappointed he didn't put more effort in, most he just lay there.

We put this to Captain Jack Noodle. He looked visibly ill, when we played him the recording of the above response.

This is very disturbing. Only a very few hard drugs and Cthulhu can get people that detached from their inner midget. This is a level of depravity not seen since Cthulhu controlled Nuns ran laundries in Ireland.  Our FSM(SBUH), loves us, sure he's drunk, but not a mean drunk, and he wants every one to play nice and really think things through. Clearly, those Salami are not the brightest, but even so, why not just put some effort into finding the old ball or buy a new one. 

See Also
 TheLipTV
 BBC - Bangladesh Blogger killings: Police Arrest Three people

[Ed - All jokes aside, this tragedy should not be ignored. Bangladesh's bloggers are a brave community engaged in the kind of political criticism and analysis we take for granted in progressive liberal democracies, a right for which they have paid for with their lives and received credible death threats. There is no expressing the horror with which these murders are carried out on this blog simply because words fail and the images are too gruesome. For those who question the statement the "religion perverts morality", this is a clear demonstration of what is meant by that statement. Violence is not a rebuttal, and never an acceptable contrarian counter point, but it is an admission that the argument is lost. Fascism is death to good conscience. While Neloy was an atheist, other secular bloggers are Muslims, and Hindus - the question they raise are important any society and must be asked. Will some claim offence is being caused, the the reality those claims come from people in fear of loss of privilege or a potential loss of a path to power. Nothing to do with happy clappy self delusion or relationships with invisible friends. ]

Oh My FSM.

Recent events in America, have left his Noodliness quite queezy. As scientists have determined that the universe may  be torn apart in about 22 billion years we should look to see why His Noodliness' courageous efforts to keep the universe together are failing, over and above his usual drunken state.
Given his allergies to various forms of hate mongering bullshit, the right wing evangelical freak out seems to have been particularly ill conceived.
From Rick Scarborough's "I would be willing to burn if the supreme court affirms gay marriage." to Bryan Fischer drawing on Pearl Harbour, 9/11 and slavery in his criticism of the decision to adhere to the 14th amendment - granting equal protection under the law - and grant marriage equality. This is not to ignore the long line of preachers and political figures gushing absurd hyperbole over the shift in public opinion and the application of constitutional principle smoothing their ignorance like a hefty-bag full of itching powder.
While some argued for civil unions, separate but equal, we should all know from historical experience, that such arrangements are never equal.
Disturbingly, American evangelicals frustrated that their countrymen and women are flipping off their haughty theocratic nonsense, are grabbing their passport and travelling in search new mission fields of unwary credulous ignoramuses.
Ignorance is not a crime, but is amazing, the crimes that ignorant can perform it suitable misguided by sexually repressed buffoons determined to spread their brand of buffoonery for the will of Cthulhu.
Apparently the new terribly evil way to persecute Christians in America is to ignore them. If only Pol Pot had thought of that. Bill Maher's segment skewers the Christian persecution complex quite nicely.

At the time of writing, the American President, Barack Obama, has been visiting East African Nations to talk jobs and security. At the same time these nations have also contracted that most terrible of Western diseases, conservative Evangelical Christianity - symptoms include random acts of violence against gender minorities, witch persecution, and general public preoccupation with private morality.
President Obama, noted that once a government gets comfortable with punishing citizens for simply being "different" it can become an expansive and difficult habit to break. Sadly The Kenyan Prime Minister's response was essentially "we got bigger problems to worry about". Which begs the question what can be bigger than locking some thousands of people for up to 14 years for existing?

Even in developed nations, a huge struggle to release people with medical dependency in to the care of the health system meets strong opposition from the DEA, and New Zealand's own Peter Dunne(who's conflict of interest is as clear as the fresh new photos of Pluto) just as America has struggles with a prison population that has exploded with policies that have incarcerated non-violent drug offenders.
Meanwhile back to Kenya, Uru Kenrada's comment's are in themselves nonsensical. Rendered thus it becomes clear "We go big problem's, weak GDP, hungry people, but we must spend a bunch of public resources imprisoning essentially harmless people, because we got more important things to deal with first."

For Charlie

While some blame the victims, calling them arrogant and saying they had to know there would be consequences and their deaths are their own fault. Such comment ignore the arrogance of those who defend or employ the use of violence in response to offence taken from the ideas or critiques of those the disagree with.  Such sentiment violate the human right to freedoms from fear and violence.


They did know and they accepted that there may be consonances, and they accepted those consequence because the freedom to "speak your mind" was more important to them than the tyranny of unquestionable ideas. Europe had unquestionable ideas for which it considered "the right thing to do" to murder and torture in the defence of those ideas. Elements of French culture, have not forgotten this. and the can proud of the fact they have grabbed on to the value of free expression and held on like a bulldog.

Needless to say, conversations around the beer volcano will be filled with even more raucous laughter for now into the future.  Blasphemy is not only a human right, it is a moral obligation. Je Suis Charlie. The talent of the staff of Charlie Hebdo will surely be missed, I wish for those injured in the attack strong and speedy recoveries. Thanks indeed go to the medical professionals who skill and dedication give the victims the best chance at a return to health.

Sometimes in depth conversation is just not going to happen.

After David Cameron made a speech, in February, in which he offered deference to millions of peaceful Muslims, before making the point that UK resident Muslims should accept “British” values, pointing to tolerance and acceptance of non-belief, other belief, and of UK culture, like to encompass rights for women and LGBT people, no doubt many social media debates happened.

Deference to an audience that may feel threatened by criticisms of certain ideas associated with a broader superset of ideas in which they may be emotionally invested is appropriate, if for no other reason than not be heavily criticised in turn for making sweeping generalisations encompassing many who already agree that such a subset of ideas are worthy of criticism. Not doing so, some say, would lead to Cameron being called racist, but in any case would be counter productive.

One conversation I participated in went as well as any drunken brawl in a bar in that part of town where the police never go.

In early July, After a friend shared an article about Cameron's speech from the Telegraph. A mutual acquaintance (Q) made the statement that they would rather Islamic values than British “imperialistic” values. Apparently “values” of other groups means different things to different people and is subject to selection bias, which was evident in Q's remark.

To make a counter point I replied with an uncommented link to a Patheos page containing passages from the Tahir by Ayatollah Komeini. A description is bad enough, but to be truly disgusted you really have to read it. Caution – keep a barf bag handy.

The response that came back was disturbingly angry. And included an accusation of racism among “white atheists”. Q's response fit criticisms of leftists bowing to Islam for the sake of multiculturalism in to comments made by Pat Condell. I doubt Pat's critiques are representative of the left generally., but it would be a cheap-shot to use Pat's comment's as a retort. He does make the point that tolerance of the intolerant positions of Islam is inappropriate, and since the three of us all have gay friends the four major schools of though present a huge problem for people we care about. See Wiki.

A little stunned by the angry reply, I chose to point out how nice it was to have a reasoned discussion without name calling and ad hominem and left it at that. But, there were some big holes in Q's response.

Islam, of course, is not a race and history tells it is not indigenous to Iran, Nor is it entirely a necessary part of being Iranian, as Iranian atheists do exist as well as other faith groups including Ba'hai, and are vocal in social media. While the Tahir appeared in the context of Iran's Islamic Revolution. It is important to note many Iranians, who are mostly ethnically Persian, reject passages in the Tahir referenced above. Now a racist would saying thing about Persian physiognomy and cognition however that would be pointless, as the science suggest that there is little variation across ethnic groups, and indeed there is more variation within ethic groups.

People are good, not because of their religion, but often in spite of it, as Iranians themselves have shown by rejecting both the Tahir and the Hijab.

What's this about the hijab? Check out My Stealthy Freedom on facebook. Iranian women are photographing themselves without the head scarf required by the mullahs. Apparently, the regime is losing the culture war in Iran, Younger Iranians do not support their government, and many even despised the current regime. The old guard of the Islamic revolution is on borrowed time as it is being replaced by political and social progressives.

I highly recommend Bread and Roses, on Youtube. The show is hosted by Mariam Namazie from the UK based Council of Ex-Muslims. The will hope fully be aired on bootleg satellite TV so that it is available to Iranians looking for more information to help them understand what else is going on other than what the mullahs are saying.

You can have peace, over conservatism's cold dead corpse.

Klingenschmitt: Transgender Professor Possessed By A Demonic Spirit

Never mind that we know transgender individuals live happier lives after their transitions, lowering their risk of suicide, depression and other self harm.



Note cross dressing and transgenderism are completely different things, only one diagnosable in the DSM IV.

What aberrant psychology, drives people like KlingenSchmitt to cock-block other peoples health, welfare and safety? Often it is self loathing identification with the target group, it can also be anti-social personality disorder with sociopathic or psychopathic features, alternatively they are just in it for the money because like sex, hating on sex with an imaginary friend sells. Which one do you think applies here?

As Shutdown takes hold GOP demand more...

House Republicans, gleeful and bouyed by their success in shutting down federal Government, have issued new demands.

Michelle Obama must do her in the style of Nancy Reagan
Bring back Eight track tapes.
Release Elvis Presley from Area 51.
Make Chastity belts fashionable.

After every thing else that they have demanded is it so hard to believe anymore they would make such demands? Sadly the truth is such foolish behaviour is more credible than it should be.  For all their posturing over Obamacare, however, the above demands might well have been the GOP's primary focus, for all it actually matters to them. While they have chosen healthcare reform as their focus, it could have been anything, even building a mile long spaceship to boldly go where no one has gone before, for this crapfest, any turkey will do. Since 2009, Republicans have been plotting a government shutdown, because nearly pulling it off 17 years previously was so much fun the first time. In 2009, Orrin Hatch commented that health care reform must be stopped or it will become so popular no one would vote Republican again.

That's their goal. Move people into government that way. Do it in increments. They've actually said it. They've said it out loud.
...
A step-by-step approach to socialized medicine. And if they get there, of course, you're going to have a very rough time having a two-party system in this country, because almost everybody's going to say, "All we ever were, all we ever are, all we ever hope to be depends on the Democratic Party."

The entire spectacle is little more than a political stunt design to make the Democratic presidency look bad to those in their base and those with an affinity for the GOP and let's not forget the low-information-voters or as political-science calls them - dip-shits.

To the architects of this charade, It does not matter than 800,000 hard working federal employees wont know when they'll get paid next, or that the job market is so broken they may be unable to support themselves for the duration. It does not matter that it will hurt foreign trade relations. It does not matter that it hurts the tourist trade. Nor does it matter that the American people want the provisions of Obamacare when they under stand what they are.

In fact that last point, sort of does matter, they know that when Obamacare is fully implemented, Like the UK's NHS, the people will fight to defend it and may hold a grudge against those who have sought to destroy it. Their greatest fear is the American people will never vote Republican again. they need to train with Yoda some more, these crackpots are too exposed to the darkside, and soon to be Empiror Palpitine, who's now going by the name Ted Cruz is bent on destroying the republic. Looking back to a week or two back, did we not just have a slaughter of younglings? When the Teahadists voted to cut the SNAP programme, this action targets the 21.8% of American children living in poverty. The head of Panera tried eat from US$4.50/day, it made him "listless and grumpy". We also know, that the physiology of the juvenile brain is such that, hungry kids don't learn well.

Rachel Maddow took a look this issue hours before the shutdown took effect.
Ultimately, Republicans have Obama exactly where he should want them for the 2014 mid-term congressional races according to Quinnipiac University...

source

As Abraham Lincoln said, the Bible is not my book, nor Christianity my profession. But for those that are here is a clue that maybe your God does not side with the party.

Sounds to me like this character wants to kick their asses. Pity that, like Star wars, it is fiction. I'm greatful that reality rarely as bad for the average 1st world punter as it is in such melodrama. The  GOP of course should be especially greatful, I guess.
Greek thinker Seneca said "Religion is seen by the masses as true, by the wise as false, and by the powerful as useful." Which is likely why GOP Representatives were busy quoting some of the worst parts of the bible, while preparing to vote to take food from hungry children and seniors.  Keep an eye on dog food stock prices.

See Also
    Kochs behind ridiculous ad campaign to get young people to break law.
    Religious kookery for shutting down the Fed Gov- huffpost.

The surprising allies in the struggle towards enlightenment.

There are two ways to draw people towards a given proposition, show why that proposition is superior to the alternatives. Which Carl Sagan did poetically, bring awe and understanding to the origins of everything putting in perspective great human struggles showing them to be miniscule in relation to the universe we live in.

The other technique, is rather difficult to pull off without looking biased unless you're on the inside. And that technique is the technique of making to competition appear foolish, insane, bigoted and unreasonable.

For an atheist like myself  to say religion is foolishly superstitious, may appear to some be arrogance or sour grapes, but no one can sell the message like Pat Robertson:

Pat Robertson On How To Handle Demons In Your Home: 'If It Was Me, I'd Burn The House Down'

When we say religion is judgemental, we just hate Christians. Even though none of us seriously would consider rounding Christians behind an electrified barbed wire fence. However Charles Worley can really bring home the message that religion is a hateful enterprise:



If I were to say religion is dehumanizing, I might be accused of saying religious people are less worthy of respect or dignity than atheists, but Linda Harvey can really push the message of intolerance in religion across and still be held in high esteem by other Christians.



Harvey's critics have noted that there are no christian children and that they have to be taught to be Christian. and are not legal persons under constitution. Behaviours that civilizations and society have said a big "no" to cannot be endorsed in law. For example...



We atheists like to defend the rights of all people to fair treatment regardless of sex, wealth, gender, nationality or religion. Indeed we abhor domestic violence, but here we have someone saying wife beating is ok, and exactly to how do it. As described, such behaviour may not cause overt physical harm but still results in psychological harm and distress for this reason and the implied infantilism of women many this see this as unacceptable...



This might look like beating up on Muslims, it is not check out this Catholic.... And bear in mind some fundamentalist Christians have defended right to the beating of wives by husbands to "get the demons out". The Bible also contains verses the say no amount beating is worse than hell so children can be beaten as much as the parents like.(Proverbs 23:13-14)



We all know abusing children is bad, but for some Christians it is a business model...
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/dec/09/tracymcveigh.theobserver

from The Daily Telegraph

The millennial generation are seeing religion more for what it is and abandoning it at a rate that has not been seen before. Without the tireless invocations of bigotry, hatred and abuse, they might easily be lead to believe religion was a good thing. We know many have tried over generations to convey that impression.

Now you might describe Pat Robertson, Linda Harvey, Charles Worley and countless others as ass-hats and witch hunters as evil child abusers. However there tireless self sacrifice means institutional religions will follow their reputations into the long drop of history. And for that we can be truly thankful.

So thanks guys for the help, we could not make ancient superpositions look any worse than it already is, and there is really no point in trying.

See Also
   The Friendly Atheist on CNN about why Millennials are losing their religion.

Second coming has been cancelled

"Christians, they're horrible."

On a slightly overcast Sunday morning, Elder Bergson, was in full steam delivering his sermon "What ever you give up to the lord, will come back to you seven fold ..." At that moment, the Chapel doors swung open and were announced by a loud bang as they slammed against the walls of the atrium.
In the bright of the day the silhouette of a small unkempt figure in robes stood. The figure stepped forward into the and the congregation observed his stature and his olive complexion, they wondered if he escaped from a mental health facility, some wondered what was up with this homeless bum interrupting their worship, could he be a terrorist.
"Shalom! I have returned to proclaim the word of my father. Hypocrites among you hear my words. You have prayed for my return and I am come." There was anger in his voice and a scowl on his face.
A parishioner in the front row stood to challenge the interloper "Who are you, and why do you interrupt our service so abruptly? Take a seat, quietly and let us worship, or go away and leave us in peace!".
As the figure stepped forward he rose above the floor, "I do not come to worship myself, I am why you say you come to this place, take a seat and hear your lord or be gone from this place."
With that the parishioner return to his seat, and the mood of the congregation changed to awe, but Elder Bergson felt a chill run down his spine.
"Anyone, here working for Inland Revenue, foreign exchange services, Barclay's, HSBC, Bank of America, Lehman Brothers? You should leave now."
As the stranger approached the alter, he turned and seeing no one had moved, the scowl returned to his face, he reached into his robe and pulled out a bull whip. "Don't make me ask again!" Two from the congregation stood and headed for the open doorway. The stranger cracked the whip, and three more parishioners lept from their seats as if they had been poked by a cattle prod. The stranger called to them "Tax Collector! Loans Manager! Rate fixer! Be gone with you." and with that, seven more made their way toward the door way.
"Elder Bergson, Tell me now the ten commandments", Bergson stammered "D-d-d-don't lie, steal, or kill, no adultery, aaah, aaah....".
"And you foolishly call yourself a man of my fathers word! My Papa could not have been clearer, thou shalt not keep graven images, so what the fuck is up with that," the stranger pointed to the stained glass window. "... and that!" he pointed to the a statue of Mary in the corner of the chapel. He turned to face the alter, he trembled, a hint of fear was replaced by rage "In the name of my dad, What the fuck is that" as he pointed to the 8m crucifix with a 6m Jesus. "Who's fucking side are you people on? You call yourself Christians?! Roman-pagan freaks, more like! Three Fucking days, I put myself through that so you would knock that fucking shit off! "He turned to face the congregation "What is wrong with you people, are you all insane?!" Many in the congregation had flicked their crucifixes out from under their shirts and blouses. "Oh for fuck's sake! Why have you forsaken me? You look at images of me on the cross and 'wonder how could a man suffer so much and forgive?' I look at you and wonder how see that and two decades shy of two millennia still be such complete dicks tolerating famine and baying for war and torture?"

"And Bergson, what is your message to today, "tithe and receive", bullpucky! Every week they fill buckets with money and what are you doing with it? A mansion sized home fit for a bankster, Lear jet, summer home in the Bahamas. I have here your church's bank statements, $2 billion in the black. What do you do for the poor? You look down on them call them lazy and drive your politicians to take from them what little they have. Judge not lest ye be judged! I'm judging, you grasping lazy fucks!"  He pulls a Check-book from his sleeve and holds flat in his hand and brings down his other hand with a clap the check-book vanishes. "Doctors Without Borders, Charity Water, Responsible Charity, Atheists Helping the Homeless, and the International Humanist Ethical Union would like to thank you all for generously donating $400 million to each of them."

"Listen to this ..." said the stranger. Bergson's voice drifts across the chapel, it is his sermon from the previous week "... Superstorm Sandy is God's judgement for all sexual preversion, with all gays and gay enablers pushing the gay agenda, demanding gay marriage as a human right, and what about God's rights? Leviticus, Judges and  Deuteronomy makes it clear God ain't into that he's gonna damn people for their preversion." The stranger spoke "Really?! You people applaud stupid nonsense like that? how stupid can you been you be?!" The stranger takes a moment to calm him self "Eric Richards and Robert Walters,  step up to the alter." The two men rise from the seats and step forward and stand before the stranger.  The stranger puts away his bull-whip and reaches around Eric's waist, embraces him, bends him backwards and slaps a big kiss on him. The stranger turns to Robert embraces him and gives him a big French kiss. "Hmmm-mmm, Daddy made you boy's just right, lets begin. WE ARE GATHER NOW BEFORE THE SIGHT OF ME, TO JOIN THESE TWO MEN IS HOLY MATRIMONY. IF ANYONE CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE WHY THESE TWO MEN SHOULD NOT BE MARRIED SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE."

Elder Phelps, an octogenarian, rose slowly to his feet and proclaimed "But they are men!". The stranger glared at Phelps, who suddenly felt uncomfortably warm, he started sweating, pulling on his collar, he pulled down his tie. Steam rose from him, his skin turned red and blistered, smoke emanated from his shoes, suddenly the smoke flashed into flames that engulfed Phelps as he screamed like a girl and vanished leaving only a pile of ashes. The stranger addressed the congregation "Next?!" and paused. "Great! We're on the same page." He turned to Eric "Do you, Eric James Richards, freely give yourself to Robert to love, care for and cherish as long as you both shall live?" Eric turns to Robert "I do." The stranger turns  to Robert "Do you, Robert Andrew Walters, freely give yourself to Eric to love, care for and cherish as long as you both shall live?" Robert faces Eric, Grins "I do."
The stranger pronounces to the congregation "I now pronounce Eric and Robert man and husband." He claps and between his hands appears a sign marriage licence and certificate which he offers to Robert. "Here boys, you'll be needing these. YOU MAY KISS YOUR HUSBAND!" While they embrace and kiss, the stranger continues "Lets hear it for these two lovely boys", The silence from the congregation is deafening, "Boys, you may return to your seats, or go on honeymoon, either way you go with my blessing. And before dawn, shag six ways from today and have fun! You ain't seen anything until you've seen the hero parades we have back home. but I'd don't want to see you there for sometime yet." Eric and Robert return to the pews. "I want to hear rousing applause!" said the stranger, a timid few clap not too loud, "Really?! Is that the best you have this is a happy moment, two among your family have found love, Celebrate it." Luke warm applause comes from most of the congregation. The stranger is moved to offer a sarcastic "Why do I bother? You people are miserable".

"Jimmy Andre, please step forward", there is a rustling in pews, and a small boy emerges into the centre isle. "Fear not Jimmy, for I know your torment, I am here to fix it for ya." The boy steps up to the alter, the stranger pulls the microphone from the podium, and puts it in the boys hands. "Tell me about the special blessings from Elder Kerridge, you those ones after Sunday school."

The boy bows his head and coughs "Um, er ah. When the other boys and girls go home after Sunday school, Bishop and I go to the rectory for ice cream and biscuits. Sometimes he gives his special blessing, I don't like it tastes funny and kinda salty. I feel so guilty when he takes his belt off, I know a blessing is a good thing but I don't like it."  The stranger lays his hand on the boys shoulder "It is OK, Jimmy. You may go to your mama now." Jimmy gives the stranger the microphone then turns and runs to the pews. "DO NOT SPURN HIM FOR HE SPEAKS THE TRUTH" bellowed the stranger, as the boy was embraced by his family.

Senior Elder Edwards "How did the Bishop come to this community?" Edwards squirms in his seat "He was a transfer." The Stranger glared and demanded "What motivated that transfer?" Edwards is now sweating "There were rumours about inappropriate behaviour with children, but it was settled they made counselling available and he was moved away." The strangers face shows rage not yet seen "Does it look settled now?!" Edwards enthusiastically raises his hand and says "We can move him again!" The strangers fury peaks as Edwards feels fevered and sweating, hooking his collar, steam rising, shoes smoking, and flash over leaving only a pile of ashes and tans on his neighbours faces.

The stranger claps, and two police officers appear beside the bishop. "How did we get here?" The stranger answers the sergeant "That is not important what is important is that you now arrest the man seated between you. You will also find his kiddy porn stash in the trunk of your patrol car."
"Senior Elder Browne, your job is to defrock, disconnect, dis-fellowship and report to civil authority all kiddy fuckers, be diligent, see how I dealt with Edwards, don't piss me off!"

Two claps from the stranger and Carl Sagan and Christopher Hitchens appear. "Behold, two of my best friends. Do not vilify them or their friends for their doubt, they had good reason to doubt me, I worked very hard to make sure of it. And now that I've revealed the trick we're all good. They spoke truth as they saw it, they sought out facts as best they could and for their efforts they were rewarded with a greater truth than can be gained from credulously sponging up the ramblings of avaricious fools behind the pulpit." The stranger glares at Elder Bergson. "The universe doesn't give a shit, and after two thousand years of watching you apes fuck things up for each other I don't give a shit any more either. I'm cancelling the second coming, you are all on your own now, fuck the lot of you, hypocrites!" A flash of white light fills the space of the chapel and the stranger has vanished.

Carl looks down at the chapel floor. "Who are you people and what have you done? He's never this pissy." Elder Bergson responds "We are the Episcopal Family Liberty Evangelical Foundation Church of Christ. We support family values and personal responsibility." Carl's quizzical expression gives way to a "I get it, step away from the crazy person" expression "Er yep, that'll do it, he hates it when people take his name in vein. He asked me to give you guys a few pointers, science is your friend, so stop under-funding it. Creationism is the poetry of a primitive culture and your adherence to it would be comical if it did not make you so stupid. Not my words, his. Set theory is no more evil than daisy chains in spring or the smell of a meadow after rain. If you don't screw things up the planet should be habitable for another billion years, so get cracking on exploration." With a wink and a flash of white light, Carl vanishes.

With only Hitchens remaining, Elder Bergson turns to Hitchens "What do we do now?" Hitchens smiles "You should give up the church, the house, and jet, a FEMA trailer will keep you suitably comfortable, others of you should pour your energy into combating carbon fuels and promoting clean energy sources. Some of you should seek to prosecute war criminals among your politicians. Some should donate time to charity. Some should work towards a guaranteed living wage even for those who work not for profit but for the good of society. Remember you're off the hook now he just doesn't care anymore, you have offended him with all you have done in is name you are now accountable only to yourselves and each other. You always were. And that is why he's pissed. He asked me to leave you a new gospel, he's now knows his mistake was that the last book was a bit wordy, so here it is." A flash of white light again fills the room. This time, Hitchens has gone, and four glowing words are burned into the wall of the chapel beside the alter "DON'T BE A DICK".

'Atheists and humanists are the most discriminated groups in the country'

The religiously unaffiliated in the US is the fastest growing segment in the US and already number 20%.
Many see the lies, scaremongering, social manipulation, moral hypocrisy, and money hungry preachers and are repulsed.

Even though some US studies put atheists in a position of being less trusted than sex offenders, the religious right is organised and holds veto power of one of the two major political parties in the US. It's somewhat bizarre, because at the same time they respect Brad Pitts' work in Katrina recovery, George Clooney's ambassadorial works for human rights and are big fans of Daniel Radcliffe and Ian McKellan, not to mention the huge support for the Star Trek franchise - created by atheist Gene Roddenbury. Gene, Leonard Nimoy (raised in Jewish tradition) and two others wrote the Undiscovered Country after his acceptance of the atheist position. The script has Captain Kirk asking "What does God need of a star ship?". This is a parody of a Christian parable.


In New Zealand, the religiously unaffiliated number about 35%, but we have a similar problem to the US; as we have not yet organized a potent political force to counter the regressive politics of rightwing religious fundamentalists. It is time for secular people in America, New Zealand and elsewhere to organise. Todd Stiefel is doing his part and helped organise the Reason Rally 2012 that brought 20-30,000 secular people together on the Washington Mall. America's secular voters wielded surprising power in last year's presidential vote.

Here in New Zealand, The New Zealand Association of Rationalists and Humanists and the Humanist Society of New Zealand are working at the vanguard of bringing together secular New Zealanders. Recently, these groups worked together to bring a series of public seminars highlighting the encroachment of religious fundamentalism in our public schools. New Zealand prides itself on being an inclusive society. Religious fundamentalism is often unabashedly exclusive; this is an anathema to our Kiwi values. The failed push back for marriage equality is just one example, the vast majority of the opposition to Louisa Wall's bill was from religious groups. Too often, they offered vile arguments, scaremongering with predictions of criminal behaviour, and in at least one case blamed the drought on the discussions and push for marriage equality.

It may seem easy to dismiss these ludicrous contributions to the debate as just the product of the minds of random cranks, but the fact is they are not. The fact is too many unsceptical minds accept these assertions without question. Note that today the Bob McCroskrie's facebook group Protect Marriage NZ has over 7800 likes and sometimes posting material from the American Family Association which is listed by the Southern Poverty Law Centre as a hate group. Here is a sample from Bob himself:

When I checked today, I did not see any posts on that page by anyone other than "Protect Marriage NZ", primarily shares of statuses and blogposts by Bob McCroskrie. It sort of looks like the modern equivalent of the 1970's kook with a mimeograph in the basement. Though that appearance may be administrative because overtime an intolerance of tolerance grew in the way they handled dissenting posts.

Such intolerance of dissenting opinion is common among primarily fundamentalist groups. It seems they habitually take demonstrably wrong positions and can't stand their ideas being shown up as unsupported by anything more than sky hooks, or that the ideas they are pushing are flat out counterfactual. It creates an echo chamber effect which was so clearly demonstrated in the genuine shock of the GOP at the last US Presidential election.

Attack of the Kiwi theocrats

With the MMP threshold due to drop to 1% for the 2014 election, expect to see nationalistic theocrats The Conservation Party of New Zealand in Parliament in the next political term.

While their position on marriage equality is a big loser for them, they are organizing. But their relationship to media is somewhat strange with their public relations person at a recent public meeting attempting to act as minder in a fashion not out of place in a Panorama documentary on the Church of Scientology.

They seem to talk up the idea that they are a mainstream organization. The first time I heard that line was in the mid '80s from a Mormon door knocker. And you might still hear it from the Church of Scientology.

While there may be value in "economic nationalism", there are certainly less odious options like the Greens, or Labour who support this position without the tendency to legislate what us Kiwis do with our naughty bits.

While Craig's fans like the supporting the family bit, the fact is the Conservative only support one kind of family: the family of the bronze and iron aged Middle East. This policy alone should lose more than half the vote.

Colin Craig will not have a mandate in parliament; at most, like American politicians, his place in parliament will be bought and paid for with cash.

In the 1970's the Religious right was nowhere in US politics, now the Tea Party has veto power over the Republicans. Also today, the religious right is organizing and posing a threat to New Zealand's secular tradition. We can no longer rely on our secular tradition anymore. As we now have an opportunity to contribute to a written constitution, I feel it is a duty to make a submission to ensure separation of church and state enshrined in this constitution, as it is in the US Constitution's 1st amendment. Because even with that protection, the pressure is on in the US,  with Virginia attempting to get a federal court to uphold sodomy laws and North Carolina attempting to establish a state religion.

The Nation
Make a submission to Our Constitution.