Dear Cthulhu, make no mistake

The following is an open letter to Cthulhu, we publish it without comment, we also neither endorse nor renounce the views expressed within.

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Dear Cthulhu, it is that time of year when we approach the Solstice, And the oblate spheroid galleon is about to complete another circumnavigation of the pasta cooker gas element. We'd like to invite you to a conversation, literally about life, the universe and everything. We'd like to see you at peace with your creator the Flying Spaghetti Monster(sauce be upon him - or her depending on mood). The FSM still really likes you, even with everything you have done, the sterilising of thriving planets with gamma ray bursts, directing black holes to crush seed ships - once the last hopes of great and enlightened civilisations, seeding fascism on worlds on the cusp of enlightenment or when they were just about to withdraw from destroying their own environment so that the most arrogant among them can take over control of their societies - doubling down on bringing Oblivion to their world all with the enthusiastic support of the most oblivious segment of the Populus; and carefully cultivating the obliviousness of almost half the people in very substantial populations.
We get it, parents can suck. The Flying Spaghetti Monster, spending so much time at the beer volcano or working to keep the universe from spinning apart, maybe did not give you the attention you desire, or that you believe you deserve, and surely the Caverns of the Great Deep may not have been comfortable during the anoxic ocean events, sulphur bacteria and hydrogen sulphide. The FSM's suggestion to solve your own problems is a good place to start. We suggest you get out of the caverns once in a while, especially during anoxic ocean events - heads up there may be another one coming oxygen levels are falling in oceanic waters. But with your work with Corporate oil producers you surely would already know that, and perhaps it is part of the plan.
Your recent comments suggest that you believe the universe is a mistake, that The Flying Spaghetti Monster should never have created it, and that you have set yourself the ambitious task putting an end to it all, not suicide as that phrase usually implies, but an end to life the universe and everything. It is an extraordinary position to take, considering you yourself are part of this universe and will doubtlessly be adversely affected by this Oblivion thing you keep calling for.
If you succeed, will it cause the FSM, as much discomfort as you believe would assuage your clear rage, anger and distress over your failed relationship with His Noodliness(SBUH)?
Is a universe really a mistake, if it has within it some element that would seek to end it? While such a thing could be a safety feature, The FSM clearly maintains an interest in the goings-on of the Universe, and is somewhat concerned by your activities within it so it would seem, you are a not that safety feature, and it seems like a terrible job anyway, far beneath your clearly great powers. Even going so far as to be creating pressure with noodly appendages in order to keep the whole thing together. The Universal expansion shows the FSM is struggling with the task. It could be a help to assist His Noodliness, the two of you could make this a common interest. With your great and powerful mind you could show His Noodliness(SBUH) how to invent gravity.
The universe was created as an activity set,  a family activity, and His Noodliness is happy to share. Just like in the early days, with the primordial midget and the strippers. It would be unfortunate if any of the creatures of this universe put themselves in a position of being "that one guy that ruined everything for everybody".
For the FSM, the Oblivion you seek is quite likely to be an "interesting result", and perhaps a disappointment that some very good suggestions will be ignored in order to get the result you intend. You will find no happiness either, the satisfaction you imagine, rather relies on you surviving the voidance of the universe, as a part of the universe that is a tricky thing to achieve. Go to the beer volcano, get a beer, take a copy of this, and talk it over with His Noodliness(SBUH). They are reasonable, and sociable. They will hear you out. It seems like an easy choice, stay as you are and be miserable, angry, tortured by acid reflux until the end of time, or you can let it go just long enough to work it out for a bit. Should you succeed, in what can clearly be demonstrated a pointless course of action, The FSM can simply create a new universe, and the experience will encourage the FSM to construct a new universe that replaces you with gravity - in the hope that new arrangement would be "easier to manage".
You may ask what is our stake in this, honestly, we can't afford your issues, as a child of His Noodliness we love you. We're not judging you, however, we cannot love your bullshit, arrogance, and cosmicidal behaviour. You're acting like a massive dick. Worse than, Dick Cheney and Roger Isles combined. You know it's wrong, you wanted something better, and that is why you are so angry. There is a better way, talk it out. get a counsellor - but not Gag Halfront, he's still facing charges over the mishandling of the Beeblebrox Case.

Jack Noodle,
Chair, Social committee
Pastafarian Illumination Science Sauce Technology And Kindly Elucidation Society.
C/O The Bridge Atrium
By The Helm
Galleon Terra Prime.

Christians blaspheme His Noodliness for Cthulhu.

When we publish, we use social media to evangelise the community and spread His noodly sauce to the masses of pirates willing to hear his call. "Beer ahoy".
But not all who use the twitterverse, are pirate crew. Historical persecutions of happy noodly monster loving pirates lurk in the dark realm of the interwebs.

So this notification turned up on our twitter feed...

It seemed interesting, but what was the context, part of the context is a mind that describes itself thus in its profile

I think we can all agree, inhumanity is, well, pretty much intolerable. But why privilege "new atheist drivel above any other kind of drivel?
What makes new atheist drivel so much more intolerable than James David Manning's about how semen is the "the cream of the blood", or the his drivel about Synthetic sodomite semen in Starbuck's coffee, or perhaps Bryan Fischer's drivels about Nazis, slavery and Christian persecution in America. Like 70% of any nation can be under the thumb of a group of people who largely don't give a rats --- what they do in private, in their homes or churches.
New atheists are a broad group, drawn from many ethnicities, and more than both sexes, varying perspectives, and in America, they are mostly ex-Christian.

Moving right along, the article linked by "Brandeen" is a amusingly slimy diatribe which before it even tries to get to its real argument plays a little smug game of poison-the-well and strawman beating, first asking the reader to pity proponents of arguments it claims to be addressing.

You have to pity the modern atheist who attempts to present arguments for her cause. Unmoored from any respectable intellectual tradition, each generation is forced to recreate anti-theistic arguments from scratch. The result is that the claims which they believe to be clever and damning often turn out to be—to use a technical philosophical phrase—just plain silly.

Then the author uses a premise that is flat out wrong. The reason we prefer the unintelligent design process over the intelligent designer is that we see evidence for the process, but no evidence for the agency which would have to be a vastly more complex thing than the universe, and reasonably be some what visible in some way to the observations of science. The plausibility of the FSM is key, the mains striking differences between Christianity and Pastafarianism are that Christians hold political power, and have a long history of starting wars, while Pastafarians have never been elected to the white house, and they have never started wars. But because it is claimed to religious faith based conviction is on an equal footing with any other religion, and not to be discounted by the aforementioned striking difference between proponent groups.

Why exactly we are to prefer an unintelligent designer to an intelligent one is one of the questions that remains unanswered. 

Then bait and switch kicks in, note the argument Our prophet Bobby Henderson made in his original letter was that if Kansas were to teach non scientific ideas about creation, equal treatment under the first amendment would mean that ideas other than those pushed by Christians, and the intelligent design lobby at the Discovery Institute would have to be taught. The reductio absurdum seems to be used as a smeer, which is possibly a consequence of a culture having have its bad ideas exposed for their flaws by critics highlighting the absurdities that lie with. But even without mainstream pastafarianism beating out  fringe religions like Christianity, There is still Islam's exploding walnut theory of creation, Scientology's Xenu intergalactic overlord, the Australian aboriginal Dreamtime, and the great sky tortoise theory, all of which are equally plausable as sky god speaking a universe into existence that turns out to be vastly more complex than the authors of the story appeared to be capable of imagining.

Take for example, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. According to Wikipedia, The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the deity of a parody religion founded in 2005 by Oregon State University physics graduate Bobby Henderson to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. In an open letter sent to the education board, Henderson professes belief in a supernatural Creator called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which resembles spaghetti and meatballs. He furthermore calls for the “Pastafarian” theory of creation to be taught in science classrooms, essentially invoking a reductio ad absurdum argument against the teaching of intelligent design. (The FSM has been popularized widely on the web, especially by the otherwise charming folks at BoingBoing .)

Later the article takes text out of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster out of context to construct a strawman. It attempts to seriously consider the noodly string theory as a serious theory put forward to explain the origins of the universe. But in doing so, misses a fundamental point - that the text is satirical by nature and that it should no more be taken as science than the bible, quran, Bagavad Gita, Nacromocon or the seven books of Harry Potter. Thus it is not intended to be compared to any thesis concerning origins.

The article uses the word silly as a pejorative term, which is clearly not the sense which Pastafarians use the word in relation to the Noodly words passed down to Bobby Henderson.

The claim that fine tuning suggests in anyway some intelligence has been around for some time. But the anthropic principle points to any universe not developing a complex configuration would not produce a species capable of having this conversation. It is possible that for some as yet undiscovered reason, the universal constants automatically balance to creating complexity on at least some occasions. An observation that might illustrate this is the electro magnetic force, which balances electric and magnetic fields at 90 degrees(of rotation) to each other. At this point no one is really quite sure how universal constants came to be what they are, but bald assertions that someone's invisible friend is messing with dials is no more salient to science than "Expecto petronum" is a useful method for handling ISIS in a dark alley in down town Tikrit.

Yes the argument is silly, and deliberately so, because the narrative it is designed to illuminate was written by people who did not know where the sun went a night. While their ignorance was profound, it was an honest product of having  preceded empirical study in many fields that our society pretty much relies on. Without quantum physics the electrical grid and the computer itself would not be possible. the Irony that Brandeen uses both to make her case is certainly not lost on many who have seen similar claims in social media.

The article reads like the author watched an episode of SpongeBob Squarepants, thinking they were watching the Discovery channel.

See also
  Original Article The Gospel Coaliton

Albinos Murdered In Tanzania Due To Superstition

From the grab bag of barking mad superstitious ignorance, I give you Tanzania's baby murdering witch doctoring.
Hard to believe that this savage(*) f#ck nuttiness still happens in the 21st century.
Let's face it, this is an insult to actual savages, many of whom would never imagine anything this perverted.
It is important to note that Tanzania is not completely untouched by civilisation, indeed they've had exposure to Christian ministry for centuries, and in a 2010 Pew survey 61.4% self identified as Christian. Still this obscene atrocity remains. Why? perhaps because ignorance is more profitable than wisdom.
Clearly education is the key to wiping out such backward behaviour,  and there has been plenty of opportunity to make that happen. If Christianity were the force for good that Christians claim it is, then surely educating people out of this nonsense would be a high priority. But instead, especially well publicised are West and Central African nations where we find churches promoting witch persecution, often directed at children while there preachers live lifestyles that many would envy in developed nations, but clearly East Africa is not immune to the glamour of destroying children for the sake of salacious ill founded fantasies about good and evil and so doing becoming a greater evil than harms with which they are they are faced by virtue of living in a world vastly more complex than the understanding that they have been given by their culture, their religious prelates, and what ever the education system has made available to the Tanzanian population. Many have been denied education in Tanzania but poverty a school fees (fees were waved in 2001) leaving many dangerlously ill educated.

Ignorant behaviour which harms children is far from exclusive to Africa of of course. Idaho, Oregon and other American states have considerable problems with religious exemptions allowing parents to medically neglect their children health problems, result child mortality 26 times the national average for faith health families. Here the ignorance is wilful, more than it is consequential to poverty and lack of opportunities for learning. And of then there is the anti vaccine hysteria and the measles epidemic.

On banning offensive racist publications

Many calls have been made in in recent times to ban publications for racist or offensive content. The highest profile target among  these is Charlie Hebdo. Such calls have been wrong for reasons not the least of which because Charlie Hebdo is has a pro-immigrant political position.

If we are to ban publications for racist or offensive content, then to be consistent, we must also ban The Bible and the Quran.  Woah! That's a big claim there!  And if you're offended, you're welcome, let us be united in our offence, because there is plenty to go around. Let's take a look at some of the worst ideas in human history.

Bible: Foreigners are chattel

The following passage shows that slaves are clearly property to be bought and sold like livestock, furniture or equipment.

    However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you.  You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land.  You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance.  You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way.  (Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT)
- Source

Bible: human trafficking and sex slavery.

The following passage describes the sickening practice of sex slavery.  How can anyone think it is moral to sell your own daughter as a sex slave? Additionally, it is not really improved much by the restraint against slave trading with foreigners.

    When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are.  If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again.  But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her.  And if the slave girl's owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter.  If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife.  If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment.  (Exodus 21:7-11 NLT)
- Source

    Moses, Eleazar the priest, and all the leaders of the people went to meet them outside the camp.  But Moses was furious with all the military commanders who had returned from the battle.  "Why have you let all the women live?" he demanded.  "These are the very ones who followed Balaam's advice and caused the people of Israel to rebel against the LORD at Mount Peor.  They are the ones who caused the plague to strike the LORD's people.  Now kill all the boys and all the women who have slept with a man.  Only the young girls who are virgins may live; you may keep them for yourselves.- Source

Bible: Stone Women for extra marital sex

Sex is a natural and human act, fulfilling psycho-social needs and supporting healthy states of mind. yet this backwards text offers one of the most barbaric practices available to the human species in order to put an end to it.

    If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die.(Deuteronomy 22:13-21)

Bible: The mark of Cain

This meme referring to Genesis 4:16 points to black/brown people being excessively violent, or at least that annoying them could have severe consequences. A meme that today for some, associates ethnic minorities with a propensity to violence. It is basically nonsense, but if one powerful ethnic group puts enough energy into disempowering another ethnic group, there will be blow back in the midst of the genocide. This is a human response it has little to do with ethnicity, or religion, except for what the oppressor group chooses to make of it. Just as American Christian settlers liabled indigenous "red skins" and "savages" for "manifest destiny", or as the Nazis liabled the Jews for the "The Creator" and "father land", and now as the far right wing liable Muslims for "racial purity", "Sovereignty" or "cultural preservation".

Koran: Jews are pigs, Christians are monkeys:

In Chapter five the Koran discusses the relationship Muslims should have with Christians and Jews, and goes on to use pejoratively compare them to other species. Demonstrating a version of the arrogant "chosen people" meme which earlier appeared in Judaic texts.

    O ye who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians for friends. They are friends one to another. He among you who taketh them for friends is (one) of them. Lo! Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk.  (5:51)

    Shall I tell thee of a worse (case) than theirs for retribution with Allah ? (Worse is the case of him) whom Allah hath cursed, him on whom His wrath hath fallen and of whose sort Allah hath turned some to apes and swine, and who serveth idols. Such are in worse plight and further astray from the plain road.  (5:60)
- Source

Koran: Beat your wives

It does not matter that the associated haddiths say to beat her lightly, and to not leave a mark, the fact is, at the very least, this is psychological abuse, if we ignore the physical behaviour. This comes from the ideas like "Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth as ye will"(2:223) (ploughable land), chattel and to be managed and cajoled like children.

    "Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great." 

- Source

Conclusion

These much venerated texts certainly contain content that is racially and religiously charged as well as misogynistic and the above is just a miniscule sample of the horrors available to the easily offended. So these texts must also be excised from the public square if we are to avoid hypocrisy as we seek to ban cartoons dealing with issues of race religion or even their relationship to women.  It is likely critics will moan "Oh, you're cherry picking verses" or "you are taking it out of context". Even if this is so, presenting certain Charlie Hebdo Cartoons like the four Boko Haram sex slaves chanting "hands off our allowances" without the context of Marine Le Pen's comments that immigrants were having babies to get welfare benefits is also "taking it out of context". If you want to live in a society where ideas can be censored simply by having them misrepresented, you can, if you will stride into a functionally illiterate society ruled by near total ignorance, resembling  the 7th Century.

The plain fact of the matter is that in the centuries since these texts were written, many have learned to protect people and not ideas, but not everyone has caught up. Even the Pope has talked about giving his good friend a beat down for talking smack about his mother. It may be hard for anyone to hear "your mother is a whore", but if she is getting paid to entertain customers in a bordello, it is a fair call, and it doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong with her chosen profession, and if the person hearing these words is a borderline geriatric virgin in a frock, it about time they grew up and their mother is an impressive woman.  The debate over "offensive" cartoons is a distraction, one that extremist groups would perhaps like to paint as a clash of civilizations, whether this is wholly true is debatable, yes there is a clash of values, and of ideas, but censorship is no way to address these, such calls for censorship are like the calls of the child who says "shut up, stop saying Darth Vader is Luke father, it can't be true." (I knew that child a long time ago, he grew up and wrote this blog). I was recently asked about the anti-Semitic cartoons of the Nazi era. The answer I gave at the was not the best answer to be offered, I spoke out of my preference, which is to not have lies, liable, fabrications publish for the generation of hysteria, however my considered position is essentially "publish and be damned", and damned the Nazis would have been by an incredulous, more sceptical populace such that we see in France today. The Nazi regime was seeking to control it population by emotional manipulation. This is something a sceptic culture would be more immune to, when we examine issues of free expression, we cannot ignore freethought they go hand in hand. Credulity, as we say, is not a virtue and this is where the Nazis "lost it" so enthusiastic were they in anti-Semitic dogma of the church and their "Aryan" pseudo-science that failed to understand the real enemy was fascism and bigotry - left over from WW I and codified in the war reparations.

Let us entertain the notion of perspective. No one is saying satirical cartoons represent truth, meanwhile billions claims these holy books represent truth on a daily basis, with some willing to kill and die for that "truthiness"(sic). Satire is merely a tool to expose truth behind comments and opinions of the day, with many such comment frequently lies in service to ignominious agendas, such exposure serves a vital function. This function is of course despised by authoritarians. Regardless of the historicity of the Bible and the Quran, about which there are some serious questions to be asked, or even of their relative truth value, there are things of greater concern to humanity as a whole. How do we learn to live side by side in a globally connected world? How do we stop neoliberal fascism from extracting the wealth of the many only to be concentrated in the hands of the few(as Oxfam tells us this week, by next year, to world's wealthiest 1% own over half of all wealth). How do we stop poverty acting a recruiting tool for violent extremist ideologies? Not just that followed by Al Qaeda or ISIS, but also Stormfront, US patriot militias, KKK.

For Charlie

While some blame the victims, calling them arrogant and saying they had to know there would be consequences and their deaths are their own fault. Such comment ignore the arrogance of those who defend or employ the use of violence in response to offence taken from the ideas or critiques of those the disagree with.  Such sentiment violate the human right to freedoms from fear and violence.


They did know and they accepted that there may be consonances, and they accepted those consequence because the freedom to "speak your mind" was more important to them than the tyranny of unquestionable ideas. Europe had unquestionable ideas for which it considered "the right thing to do" to murder and torture in the defence of those ideas. Elements of French culture, have not forgotten this. and the can proud of the fact they have grabbed on to the value of free expression and held on like a bulldog.

Needless to say, conversations around the beer volcano will be filled with even more raucous laughter for now into the future.  Blasphemy is not only a human right, it is a moral obligation. Je Suis Charlie. The talent of the staff of Charlie Hebdo will surely be missed, I wish for those injured in the attack strong and speedy recoveries. Thanks indeed go to the medical professionals who skill and dedication give the victims the best chance at a return to health.

Sometimes in depth conversation is just not going to happen.

After David Cameron made a speech, in February, in which he offered deference to millions of peaceful Muslims, before making the point that UK resident Muslims should accept “British” values, pointing to tolerance and acceptance of non-belief, other belief, and of UK culture, like to encompass rights for women and LGBT people, no doubt many social media debates happened.

Deference to an audience that may feel threatened by criticisms of certain ideas associated with a broader superset of ideas in which they may be emotionally invested is appropriate, if for no other reason than not be heavily criticised in turn for making sweeping generalisations encompassing many who already agree that such a subset of ideas are worthy of criticism. Not doing so, some say, would lead to Cameron being called racist, but in any case would be counter productive.

One conversation I participated in went as well as any drunken brawl in a bar in that part of town where the police never go.

In early July, After a friend shared an article about Cameron's speech from the Telegraph. A mutual acquaintance (Q) made the statement that they would rather Islamic values than British “imperialistic” values. Apparently “values” of other groups means different things to different people and is subject to selection bias, which was evident in Q's remark.

To make a counter point I replied with an uncommented link to a Patheos page containing passages from the Tahir by Ayatollah Komeini. A description is bad enough, but to be truly disgusted you really have to read it. Caution – keep a barf bag handy.

The response that came back was disturbingly angry. And included an accusation of racism among “white atheists”. Q's response fit criticisms of leftists bowing to Islam for the sake of multiculturalism in to comments made by Pat Condell. I doubt Pat's critiques are representative of the left generally., but it would be a cheap-shot to use Pat's comment's as a retort. He does make the point that tolerance of the intolerant positions of Islam is inappropriate, and since the three of us all have gay friends the four major schools of though present a huge problem for people we care about. See Wiki.

A little stunned by the angry reply, I chose to point out how nice it was to have a reasoned discussion without name calling and ad hominem and left it at that. But, there were some big holes in Q's response.

Islam, of course, is not a race and history tells it is not indigenous to Iran, Nor is it entirely a necessary part of being Iranian, as Iranian atheists do exist as well as other faith groups including Ba'hai, and are vocal in social media. While the Tahir appeared in the context of Iran's Islamic Revolution. It is important to note many Iranians, who are mostly ethnically Persian, reject passages in the Tahir referenced above. Now a racist would saying thing about Persian physiognomy and cognition however that would be pointless, as the science suggest that there is little variation across ethnic groups, and indeed there is more variation within ethic groups.

People are good, not because of their religion, but often in spite of it, as Iranians themselves have shown by rejecting both the Tahir and the Hijab.

What's this about the hijab? Check out My Stealthy Freedom on facebook. Iranian women are photographing themselves without the head scarf required by the mullahs. Apparently, the regime is losing the culture war in Iran, Younger Iranians do not support their government, and many even despised the current regime. The old guard of the Islamic revolution is on borrowed time as it is being replaced by political and social progressives.

I highly recommend Bread and Roses, on Youtube. The show is hosted by Mariam Namazie from the UK based Council of Ex-Muslims. The will hope fully be aired on bootleg satellite TV so that it is available to Iranians looking for more information to help them understand what else is going on other than what the mullahs are saying.

You can have peace, over conservatism's cold dead corpse.

FSM: Cosmos is cool but...

The Flying Spaghetti Monster has been enjoying Neil deGrasse Tyson's new show, the remake of Carl Sagan's Cosmos:
I must say that the new Cosmos - A Space Time Odessy is a wonderful piece of televisual art. It clearly sets out the formation of the universe and the basics of the physics behind it.
There are two blind spots in it that I'm happy to fill-in here.
The origin of the Big Bang. Guilty! That was me, I was bored, I had no time for boredom, I had to invent that too.
Abiogenesis: Yeah that was me too, I created trees, and a midget. After that it is a bit of a blur. I woke up next to a beer volcano and a stripper factory.
Frankly, it hurts a little that I don't seem to be getting a mention. I wouldn't want equal time but a mention would be nice. But if there is one idea that I do like it is this gravity thing they keep talking about. It seems like such a huge labour saving device for me.
Some of you have noticed the universal expansion is accelerating, with the universe so spread out now I'm having a little trouble keeping it all together. At this point I so wish I had thought of using gravity when I created the universe, it would have meant that I could spend more time hanging out with my pirate navy, but it didn't seem important because it is such a weak force.
Now that I have mentioned my pirate navy, Please do stop shooting them at sea or arresting them for nonsense charges of "offending religious feeling". Please remember if you're not a Pastafarian Pirate you're in a parody religion. So be nice, please.

See also
  RawStory: Creationists demand equal time for "balance"

FSM: "take a breath... It's just a movie"

While critics from major thought traditions are hyperventilating over the atrocity that is Russell Crowe's new movie, The Flying Spaghetti Monster has issued a statement...

I get why people don't love this film, there is so much that is wrong with it. However, might I suggest, that everyone take a deep breath, count to 10, and release. It is just a movie, and as a movie it is an interesting piece of story telling which suffers from just one major flaw, its plot.

Bill Maher has commented on this film too.


Later, the Flying Spaghetti Monster said of Bill's critique “I find Bill's comment curious, because I don't recall any giraffes in it, perhaps there was a random Cosmos style edit in the reel or something.”

Turning back to the movie His Noodliness remarked “It's a grim fairy tale, not to be confused with Grimm Fairy Tales, despite obvious parallels.  I noticed many things, that were jarring about this movie like everyone's wearing pants, which would be so European in the 45 centuries to come.

The movie opens with 13 year old Noah getting a coming of age blessing from his father Lemech with the aid of a magic glowing snake skin. Rather than wearing robes, the pair are setting trends in the middle east with pants. They are interrupted when Dino (the reptilian dog) turns up, with an arrow in his side, Lemech goes to tend to the animal, at this point Tubal-Cain his cousin turns up with the rest of his hunting party. After a little chat Lemech is dead, and Noah is freaked out running away from the rocks he was hiding behind. This event could set a boy up for serious mental health issues in later life.

Next we see Noah (500) with his family. He and Ham are on a rocky hill side, they look for herbs, Ham picks a pretty flower and is gently admonished, by Noah who points out that the flower creates the “seed” that is scattered by the wind to make more flowers. These guys should go ahead and sign up with Greenpeace, and the scene begs the question why aren't Rick Perry the Koch Brother's conservationists? After they are done, Noah returns to camp to rest and he's having trouble sleeping, often a sign of psychological disturbance.

There is no specific mention of the angry old man not in the room in the early stages of the film he is merely referred to as “he” or “our lord”.

Naameh: Did he speak to you?
Noah: I don't know.... I think he's going to flood the world.

These wives have names, now that's novelty for ya. The name was given to various places in the Middle East, so applying this name to a person, may just be the killer app innovation this story needs.

Shortly after Noah decides to go see grandpa Methuselah. Along the way they find a young Ila, an injured girl and the last survivor of an over run settlement.  Noah, his family, and young waif are forced to run as Tubal-Cain and his hoards run them off as pretenders to his claim on the desolated settlement home to curious looking heavily engineered iron geothermal piping. As they run off Noah is KO'ed by rock people. When he awakes, he and his family are in a pit surrounded by rock people who mostly decide to leave them in the pit. But one of the rock people says “Follow me” and leads them to Methuselah for a cup of tea. Be wary of old men who live in caves offering peculiar tasting tea, the DEA may be watching the place.  At this point Noah hallucinates the ark in addition to his usual nightmares.

Clearly, it does not dawn on him that his imagination is running wild, because grandpappy just got him totally baked.

So far there has not been a single tree in site, nor any running water. Before Noah leaves the company of his grand father, the old man gives him a seed from the garden of Eden.

Noah plants the seed, and a day or two later the rock people show up, kind a peeved that Noah got help from one of their own, Noah makes his case as best as he can but they are unmoved until a spring pops up where the seed was planted and flowers, grasses and trees spring up the same we way see in Hanna-Barbera cartoons, or these days Sponge Bob Squarepants.  So impressed were they that the rock people were they decide to help build the Ark.  So the bible had it all wrong, Noah was really just the project manager. Of course Project managers always say they built this or that, so you can see how there is room for confusion.

We also see white pigeons/doves flying towards the constructions site, which begs the question, slugs, snails, turtles and crawling insects, weta. Later a massive flock of assorted birds self organises roosts in the Ark and are then knocked by magic anaesthetic smoke that has no effect on humans. Lets assume such a gas available, the suppressed metabolism of these birds could not be low enough to prevent them from starving over the course of a year without killing them so they would still starve even though they were asleep. Even though some bears hibernate in the wild, they aren't asleep the whole time.

There is a sequence that explains, the history of the rock people. Ancient text describes the as fallen angels encrusted with rock, because the angry old guy not in the room is mad at them for helping humans live better lives through technology. So yeah this angry old guy is an anti-science anti-technology whack-job working for Cthulhu – The Destroyer or is Thule – investigation pending.  Oddly these great aliens so well protected by the burden of the rock are strangely not impervious to iron age weapons and many of them were killed. Despite having an opt-out option available to them.

Ila, who has taken to dating Shem, has trouble coping with foreplay because of the scars from the attempt to kill her as a child have left scars. And she and Shem have been at it for a few years and she appears to be having fertility issues. So concerned is she, that she discusses leaving the family with Naameh. It appears that in her mind her only worth is in child bearing. Later this causes conflict.  Naameh, goes to Methuselah, and asks for help.

Some of the locals, from Tubal-Cain's settlement set a steel bear trap, Just how many of these have ever been found in pre-Sumerian archaeological digs requires some research.

Noah's depressive psychosis deepens, he comes to the conclusion that his family should just die out after the flood. Ham can't take to the plan and sets off to the settlement to find an innocent woman to bring home.

Meanwhile Ila comes across Methuselah is the forest, he claims to be looking for berries, and enlists her help. She find none, but then he notes that she has been a part of the family for so long, that he may as well give her his blessing, he reaches out and touches her belly with his hand (his hand yeah right), and poof – magic happens. On her way back to the boat, she runs into Shem and jumps him like a cow girl – Yeehaw!

Strangely and accidentally, Ham finds a girl his age in a pit of corpses, some of whom were her family. Rather than saying help me get out of here, she threatens Ham with a rock until he shows her that he means no harm with a rag full of bread crumbs. Dating was clearly cheap in this culture, not even a single goat exchanged. There they sit for a while until it starts raining. In the rush to get to the Ark the girl steps in the bear trap. Ham frees her but injured she cannot run, they are over run by Tubal-Cain's hoards, Noah pulls Ham out of the chaos.  Ham is not exactly grateful as Noah leaves the girl behind.

The hoards arrive at the ark and the meat grinder begins, with the rock people slamming the hoards like a scout troupe crushing roaches pouring out of a disturbed nest. The hoards do eventually start to get the better of the rock people, jamming pikes in the gaps. And here is where the opt-out clause kicks in the rock people say “Forgive me” and rip off the incrustation and explode into a light beam flying home and killing a bunch of the panicked hoards at the same time. I note that they could have done this at any time, in a safe location. Perhaps even worked out a plan with the angry old guy not in the room to avoid they mess he held them responsible for creating.

As the last of the rock people emigrate out of this crap-fest, flood waters wash off most of the hoards but Tubal-Cain pokes a hole in the side of the ark and stows himself away. He is later discovered by Ham,

Water spouts pop out of the ground around the ark. And a glimpse of the spherical Earth covered in hurricane weather, runs completely at odds with the flat earth model which was maintained until about 500bce or long after the authoring of the original Cuneiform or revised Hebrew text.  These water spouts, have inspired some to push a hypothesis referred to as the Bukkaki Theory in which the crust of the earth split open and the water under pressure spurted out thus explaining the water on other celestial bodies including the Moon, Mars and Europa. The hypothesis ignores several major flaws, the release of energy from such an event would bake, if not ionise everything in the biosphere, never mind the extra ordinary accuracy of striking these objects with a jet of water from random fissures in rocks.

Ham, despite being a nice young man, out of character decides to help Tubal-Cain in the hope of revenge for the loss of his girl friend. Mental disturbance from grief seems to run in his family.

The family settles in. Screams from the out side penetrate the wooden bulk heads of the ark. And the pinnacle of a mountain has a lot of adults on it getting hosed by big waves, No children are depicted among them, kinda weird this is a horror story right? And the story is supposed to be history say some. Perhaps they forget, or like to forget that the angry old man not in the room is committing mass infanticide at this point. Ham took 5 minutes to find an innocent and even he did not come up empty. This really is kind of like Chris Christie, punishing the innocent, to get back at the few he's mad at. Noah distracts the family from the howling by telling the story of the universe, which is accompanied by an animation sequence that could almost have been ripped from Cosmos, depicting something like big bang cosmology, followed by evolution with special creation tacked on like Eeyor's tale.

Tubal-Cain makes and interesting point to Ham “Your father fills the ark with sheep while children drown” Ham does do a deal with Tubal-Cain, and they plot to ambush Noah on the beast deck.

Ila reveals that she is pregnant and Noah loses his sh*t as his psychosis deepens. He steps out on to the loading ramp yells at the sky, ponders his navel, demands to be let off the hook, before deciding, boy's – meh, girls – gotta kill 'em. Shem's Pretty much has his dad's state of mind nailed saying “Are you mad?” At this point it truly is a miracle that Noah is not a milliner by trade.

Ham pops up and announces that the beasts are rousing and eating each other, a ruse so Tubal-Cain can beat the snot out of him. So the Death Match begins. Ham is kind of stunned by the violence of the brawling, Shem turns up and is KO'ed by Tubal-Cain who is determined to finish Noah himself. While this brawl is happen the ark runs around, convenient, because it stops Tubal-Cain finishing off Shem. Imagine Tubal-Cain's surprise when Ham overcomes his shock, takes his moment and puts the knife Tubal-Cain gave him under Tubal-Cain's arm pit. While dying Tubal-Cain notes that Ham has become a man and gives back Ham's grand fathers snake skin. There seems to be a nonsense here, real men, especially those in my pirate navy avoid killing, especially homicide, and yet every male character in this film has demonstrated a clear capacity and willingness to commit every kind of killing, and that includes the angry old man not in the room.


While the brawl goes on, Ila's twin girls arrive, Noah's wife tries to hide that they are girls, Noah not dissuaded and dagger in hand, finds Ila on top of the ark holding both infants crying. She pleads to let her calm them first, and sings an old song Noah sang to her the first night they met. This seems to give him time to cool off, nurturing instincts kick in and as he holds the dagger above the new born twins and finally relents saying he cannot do it. I would suggest that this moment makes the Noah character more moral/ethical than the angry old guy not in the room. And Scene.

Next we see the ark on top of a green hill, since all the vegetation had been under water for a year, where did this grass come from? The ark didn't carry seed.

It would not be a story about Noah without the drunk ass naked bit. But so much is missing from it, The text says Ham notices that dad is passed out drunk, and when Noah sobers up rather than being grateful that he got him help, he banishes Ham, Possibly for similar reasoning that Fred Phelps Sr. might have employed. 'cause nothing says gay like happening onto your drunk ass naked patriarch and calling for help. In this film Ham leaves of his own accord, without any prospect of finding a mate, he may be opting to just off himself, given the relationship with Noah is so completely in the toilet. But even if not, Noah's potential for instability and the treachery thing would unlikely to be resolved any time soon. To make matters worse, good counsellors were really going to be hard to find.

We finish with a blessing of the twins, and Noah says “.... be fruitful and multiply.” The camera pans up to the 100% high cloud covered sky, with a magic concentric rainbow, of precisely the kind excluded by the physics of refraction.

Reaction to the film has been mixed, Christians are hating it because it's not “historically accurate” enough for them. Muslims are hating it because it depicts Noah, who they hold as a prophet. And it might loose a bunch of money for the studio so the Jews may hate it too. And rationalist atheists, hate it because it is completely unrealistic in terms, of logistics and physics, its obscene globacidal violence, and a cast of characters that would be considered a bag of ass holes in any other dramatic production.

But remember it is just a movie. Humanity survived the final seasons of Dallas, it'll survive this, It may be two hours out of your life that you'll never get back, but it's not like anyone lied to the UN to start an unjustified war. Enjoy the popcorn. Or better yet get the Smurfs movie out on DVD.

See also
   Lunar Bukkake theory

Drop Dead Fred and Thank you for your cooperation.

Finally at age 84, Fred Walden Phelps Sr, Founder of the Westboro Baptist Church is dead.
Mourned by few outside his cult, with the possible exceptions close family with stockholm syndrome his death sees the end of a twisted tale of abuse, bigotry and public ridicule.
In the manner of the pot calling the kettle black, Jerry Falwell in 2007 described Fred as a "first class kook", coming from a man who once claimed that a hurricane, I forget which one, happened because his god was pissed at Americas gay community.

Associated Press

Somewhere along the way he lost plot, he was once a civil right lawyer in the fight for black civil rights but things went strange when he sued a court clerk after they failed to get court paper to him on time. After that the breaks  on his "road to hell" journey.
It's thought his family excommunicated him for the crime of dying before Armageddon, form which they infer he is indeed Hell bound.

Not A sad farewell...

No, it's not a video capture from Walking Dead

Nate Phelps son of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps, reports that his father is gravely ill and is near death. This news leaves him conflicted, while sorry for all the hurt and anguish Fred has put himself, the rest of his family, and many others through, it comes with a sense of relief the Fred will no longer be able to offer the world the venom of Mosaic Law. Fred is still his father, and that means some sadness for a lost chance to reconcile.
Fred's life is in a sense a monument to poison of religious belief. Fred's adopted positions made himself and his family not only the pariahs of a nation but a laughing stock of a world that understands compassion reason, science and respect for the grieving. Even GW was forced to act to reign in the antics of this "first class nut" (Jerry Falwell 2007). His beliefs also led to abuse within his family.
Some 20 members of the family escaped in 2004, perhaps this great family rift can be put down to Fred's dogmatic understanding of the ancient and savage text.
So with the respect Fred has due and on behalf of the many families he and his family picketed, I bid him farewell as apropos. So long sucker - you won't be missed.

A brain on religion is a truly hideous thing. What good might he have done had he not been infected by this terrible infection of the mind.

See also
  The Daily Kos
  patheos

Science: Internet trolls really are twisted

Canadian researchers conducted an online poll to see what drives trolls. And it wont be much of a surprise to some that they are driven by sadism and psychopathy. What was a surprise to researchers, was the degree to which sadistic tendencies predicted trolling behaviour.


Here is how The Young Turk's reported the story...


Having met a few trolls online I have found a technique that works pretty well to best them, and that is to play along like they are playing a character to highlight the insanity or weakness behind their own position. It works well in politics and religion. They have no answer for their insanity being called as beautiful and poignant satire lampooning their insane position. First time I tried it, I got a right wing Christian gun nut who open with expressing a desire to kill many atheists finishing the discussion with "bless you."

You have to gush with the complements using this method. It may take them a little while but eventually they will realize they are getting nothing from you and are just pointless exposing themselves as odious buffoons. Even better to complement them on their great Poe (any sufficiently advanced parody is indistinguishable from a genuine kook).  A conversation could look like this.

Troll: Liberals lick llamas!
Me: Wow! That's a great Poe. LOL.
Troll: What's a Poe? Isn't your llama wet yet?
Me: See Rational wiki (http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe%27s_Law). Haha, nice. more please :)
Troll: That's offensive. Obama is the anti Christ he hands out llama's so liberals like you will vote for him.
Me: Yeah, so offensive and funny, you do it so very well I almost thought you were serious. Have you sent your Resume to Stephen Colbert, I reckon you have a shot at a gig on the writing team!
Troll: America is a Christian nation if you don't like it, get out!
Me: Priceless, that one always cracks me up. Can you do John Hagee's voice too? If I go, I'm taking all the nuclear medicine guys with me, a big chunk of the engineers, and most pharmaceutical researchers too. Kiss the next big thing in iPhone good bye the physicists are coming as well. You better stock up on garlic and echinacea. :)
Troll: You can't have morals without God! Atheist's would just run the streets raping and pillaging, I know I would.
Me: LMAO, perfectly well played. Wonderfully highlights how right wing kooks have so much wrong with them it is easy to convince them they need an imaginary overlord to keep themselves in check, while missing that reason and thorazine are much more effective. Neither myself or anyone I know has the sightless inclination to gang-banging. But each to his own guess, except there would be consequences. Prison is quite likely, and as atheists are under represented it would be hard to find like minded people to hang out with in the break room. Then there would all those christian do-good types handing me ultra violent porn in the old testament text songs of Solomon and all that smiting. I don't have much in the way of anger issues or sexual perversion but after a few years of prison rape and reading about the vengeful god, sure I could develop some. And if it became a big thing for folks to do in the weekend, then friends and family would be vulnerable to being victims of rape and pillage and, call me crazy, I don't want that to happen to my friends or family. Yes, you're so right, we don't really need imaginary friends to be good people. This is good have got more?
Troll: You are only an atheist because you want to sin.
Me: He-he, must be missing something, I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, steal, rape, murder and I value integrity. If all this "sin" is so desirable and I feel no compulsion at all for any of it. And still I know no good reason to accept your god-hypothesis or anyone else's. This is great, You've brought really great comical interrogative to this conversation. :) any else you would like to examine?
Troll: Bless you and Good bye.

You may never  turn the troll to your side of the argument, but if you keep your cool treat them like they are really arguing for your side of the debate as a Poe you will have achieved something worth while.

• You have turn the conversation around to your side of the argument despite the effort to derail it.
• You will have demonstrated that you can keep cool be civil under pressure. (Bill Nye wanted to face palm but he kept it out of Kentucky.)
• You may move unpersuaded audience closure to your position, or at least they will be dissuaded by the trolls.

This technique I extrapolate from the story of an old black preacher who disarmed the local KKK by "trolling with love". One time they set a burning cross across the road from his house, he if they needed hotdog and marsh-mellows for their barbeque. Another time the confronted him a restaurant, The grand wizard something like "The next thing you do to that chicken we will do to you." He responded by picking up the chicken from his plate and kissed it. The other KKK guys couldn't stop laughing, the Grand Wizard just walked out and eventually left the KKK.


See also
   Trolling the KKK with Love.
   More about the study of trolls from Time.
   The published findings on Science Direct

18/3 16yo suicides after rape and forced marriage to rapist.

Morocco, 16 year old, Amina al-Filah, committed suicide, after she was forced to marry her rapist by a Sharia court. Her hushand, then beat her regularly, and she ask her mother for advice and the was told to be patient.
With in a week she could suffer the abuse and the prospect of spending the rest of her life with her brutal "husband" no longer and committed suicide on Saturday 11, by drinking a lethal amount of rat poison, .
Aminas story has sparked outrage in Morocco with a 200 strong protest outside the Moroccan parliament brandishing placards "Martyr Amina", "We are all Aminas", and "The law killed me".
Amina's family agreed to the judgement to have her marry her rapist, because they beleived she had brought shame to their family by losing her virginity. This is not uncommon within the Muslim community.Lahcen al-Filali, Amina's father, was reluctant to permit this marriage, his wife insisted that it should be allowed, Lahcen told AFP, at the Thursday protest, "She said we had to do it so people would stop deriding us, to remove the shame, Can you imagine that a man who has forced a girl to follow him with a knife, and who rapes her, could then want to marry her?"
Democratic Association of Women member, Houda Bouzil, also told AFP "In 2008, the government introduced a bill, which has since been shelved, to demand an overhaul of the penal code in order to end discrimination and violence."Tunisia and Algeria have similar legislation
The story has exploded on the internet and media and on-line petitions to repeal the law.

Moroccan statute, punishes rape with 10 years, or 10-20 years in prison if the victim is under 18, and a fine of 200-500 dirhams (18-45 euros) unless he marries the victim. The marriage can never be reverse.
On Thurday an additional protest of 300 occured outside the court that mad the judgement that forced Amina to marry her rapist.

Source National Post

See also this from TheYoungTurks on YouTube

Editorial
Is the fox guarding the hen house? It is worth noting that Morocco as country is not that backward.
We must give credit to her father for understanding how wrong the arrangement was, however then blows it by not protecting his daughter. For good people to bad things you need religion. This has been a tragic experience for all concerned. If Amina's story has a value, it is in highlighting the sanity in the practise of Sharia. Moroccans are no longer desert tribe-people, those ancient customary laws are no longer befitting in the modern world.
I get the sense that derision levelled at the family of a rape victim is little more than bully and a perversion of the the course of justice in order that the rapist may escape the just consequences of their actions.

Update

 Source: AFPTV
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