Inquiry into sarcastic gamer imprisonment

An enquiry into the custody of  17 year old Justin Carter, a gamer who posted in League of legends game chat a sarcastic comment "Yeah I'm fucked in the head, I'm gonna shot up a kindergarten" after a fellow gamer hyperbolically asserted "You're insane".

Officials said they went undercover to see for themselves what conditions were like at the facility where the teenager is being held. Their report states:

Sure the shivs sting a bit, and the ass-rape is kind uncomfortable for the first couple of times. 

Medical reports included in the investigative dosier say the investigators will take years to learn to sit normally again.

A section of the report on food in lock up went on to say,

But the real crime against inmates is food, some days you're lucky if you find a fly in it. After a week I found half a dead rat, I got it, but only after stepping on another in mates throat because he tried to grab it before me.

In regard to staff behaviour from facility staff.

We found the staff to be very fair, they were always willing to jam their night sticks into our ribs if we as they put it "look at us funny."

An investigators comments praised fascility staff professionalism "I cracked smile on the third afternoon of my on-site investigation and dutifully the staff Tazered me for twenty minutes. After my on-site investigation. I checked up on the incident, found the staff got a $250 bonus. It is pleasing to see the good work of the staff at this facilities is well werarded[sic]. "