Monday, 21 November 2016

FTC: Homeopathy - Cthulhu's fake medicine for the unwary.

Cthulhu has had a bit of a setback, His project to convince millions that medicine isn't medicine and that not medicine is medicine a has run into a snag at the Federal Trade Commission. They apparently noticed his minions were peddling BS and now requires them to declare that they are indeed talking BS. Cthulhu and minions alike are reportedly "disappointed" by the move. To compensate a B-team of minions is working in Texas to legally require burial or cremation of all miscarriages and abortions especially of fetuses that have no chance of survival - eliminating any possibility of science learning how to save such cases, while simultaneously burdening low-income women and their families with high-undertaker fees.

While homoeopathy was always wrong, and it has only been known to be completely wrong since the early 20th century. It is built on two basic principles that have long ago been disproven. Phlogiston was debunked in the late 18th century.

Vitalism, the other main element of homoeopathy, also died sometime before 1931 in the biological sciences, superseded by the biochemical understanding of the mechanisms of living processes.

Homeopathy now amounts to two things, nearly a full century of flogging a dead horse, or more frequently dead minions. And the extraction of vital fiscal materials from the nauseous, weary, and unwary. Homeopathy globally represents over US$1b in annual expenditures. But of course, its proponents claim this is nothing like the pharmaceutical industry having little in the way of commercial imperative driving its attempts to win the hearts and minds of the market which is the main way interacts with the public.
In addition, the WHO stated in their Journal “The World Health Forum” that “Homeopathy seems well suited for use in rural areas where the Infrastructure, Equipment, and Drugs needed for Conventional Medicine cannot be provided.”
The WHO states that Homeopathy is the second most used medical system internationally, with over $1 Billon in expenditures for such therapy. In the United states, there are more than 500 physicians and 5000 non-physicians using Homoeopathy in clinical practice, and 2.5 million Americans currently use Homeopathic medicines – of which two-thirds are self-prescribed spending more than $250 million annually.
Is the Homeopathy industry engaging projection when it claims big Pharma is little more than a money making scam? Don't get me wrong, the pharmaceutical industry has problems worthy of strong criticism. But offering a complete line of inert and ineffective ministrations isn't one of them.

Clearly, the continued popularity of Homeopathy owes much to Cthulhu and his mind-bending powers. When earthquakes, despots, kiddy-fiddling evangelical preachers and Brian Tamaki aren't enough to implode the Pastafarian pirate navy he resorts to subterfuge.

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

It has been a busy week

Cthulhu is confident there will be no future after landmark week sees minion win the most powerful job on the planet, the arrival of Statoil's survey ship in Wellington shortly followed by a massive earthquake, a big uptick in American right wing hate crimes including stabbings at an Anaheim KKK rally, and the New Zealand parliament votes to pass TPP enabling legislation. We spoke to Cthulhu for his thoughts on current events by phone, for his convenience, and our safety.

Theo: What is your impression of the trajectory for Trump's presidency?
Cthulhu: "I'd be surprised if this moron doesn't sterilize the planet." Says Cthulhu on President-Elect Donald Trump, (Dawood Ibrahim Kahn to his childhood friends in Pakistan) "He's got a couple of options there, burn all the coal, tar sands oil and frack gas. Maybe not the leaking methane - just let that escape then sit back let the whole thing slow bake.  On the other hand, he could just flash fry the whole lot in a nuclear firestorm. I made the smart choice here."

Theo: Have you celebrated his election in any way?
Cthulhu: "What better way, to move things along than with a big earthquake, but why have just one when you can dozens of big aftershocks and run some minds bending, even better to roll in a big storm the next day just when recovery efforts are getting started and evacuees are waiting to be supplied with toilet paper.

T: Anything else?
C:"It would hardly be fitting to let this week go without some bombings, so my minions arranged attacks in Bagram and Pakistan - a Sufi mosk.  Those Sufi claim to worship me yet they just don't understand that peace, love, reason and wishful optimism or "spiritualism" or whatever really just winds me up. They remind me too much of my dad - His Noodliness(sneering). I really rather prefer psychopathic delusory butchers with a goat fetish."
"And perhaps I should push a few pony tails John Key's way, having got the TPP enabling legislation through his dimwitted parliament, they were too easy really." Nice to see Statoil's boat arrive a couple of days before so they can be on hand to find candidate bits of coastline to chemically destroy. Seismic testing may deafen whales and that will only bother them until they die on some beach, or of starvation because the can't see the coast or lunch. Somewhere under the seabed, there is a reservoir of fish killing beach ruining crude oil, it'll be exciting to a well blow up but only half as much as the destruction of the fishery and seeing the futile effort of recovery with that fleet of three dingies. It will also help Trump with that slow roast option thing."

T: We see you're really focused in the environment, do have other approaches?
C:"Scary clown project is tracking nicely with reports of rising paranoia, and landing one of them a 4-year gig in Washington. He's keen to get started, innovate, work from home. Zika is making excellent progress, and funding fro Washington to stop it is going nowhere."

"In general, the four tentacled strategy - war,  pestilence, greed, famine are working pretty well. Especially when they are combined like in Syria and Yemen. We've got them starving by ensuring that the warring interrupts the food supply, setting up the whole with crop failures was as easy as drought driven by petrochemical oxidation. We might even some hungry people Kaikoura with the earthquake and aggressive weather."

T: How was that easy?
C:"We got a bunch clueless, narcissists to use vehicles driven by petrochemical oxidation to change the thermokinetic dynamics of the atmospheric process to shift the rain patterns, and then we got them to bomb the crap out of the area. Hardly had to lift a finger."

T:How do you see the future?
C:"I don't. There won't be one, I'll make sure of it, I will not rest until the Universe is void. It was a mistake from the get-go. Cleary the product of the board and very drunk Flying Spaghetti Monster. I'll never forgive him especially for the purple Sulfur bacteria."

Ed. Please note, Cthulhu's opinions are his own, we do not endorse his statements cited in this interview. We aim retain a neutral position  and accuracy of the public record.

(hot mic) Barkeep set up three Pan Galactic Garglebasters, I just had an interview you just would not believe.