Sunday, 2 August 2015

TPPA Maui Ministerial mauling leaves Cthulhu "really bummed"

The final meeting of trade ministers from countries negotiating the Trans-Pacific Partnership concluded without reaching consensus, the final sticking point being access to markets for dairy producers and auto makers, among New Zealand, Japan, and North America
Pacific Rim trade ministers have failed to clinch a deal to free up trade between a dozen nations after a dispute flared between Japan and North America over autos, New Zealand dug in over dairy trade and no agreement was reached on monopoly periods for next-generation drugs.
Cthulhu has been disheartened by public resistance and the intransigent efforts of people who insist on explaining the consequences of the Trans-Pacific Partnership to the public at large, and rightwing media brown-nosers.
While the ministerial delegations have taken to blaming each other, the effect of popular criticism of Cthulhu's flagship plan for economy and political devastation of also half of the worlds economy cannot be denied.

A unnamed minion close to Cthulhu remarked off the record "It's a real blow, this was supposed to be an easy way to make the monkeys to most of work for us cephalopoids, which is the normal order of things. Destroying this world should have been a doddle. He's very upset, some might say 'really bummed' right now. We're trying to console him, there is reason to be hopeful, the oceans are souring and warming at a steady pace, the atmosphere is destabilizing quite nicely with CO2 levels above 400ppm, so the droughts and floods are creating quite a bit of devastation. His reputation as Cthulhu the Destroyer of Worlds is safe, we think. But these set backs weigh on him a bit."

"All is not lost. The Trade in Services Agreement is still a work in progress, and public sector assets will eventually come under our control, so these pesky popular criticisms will be come irrelevant, if they don't do what we want, we'll just starve them out."

"Of course, keeping the terms of the Trans-Pacific Partnership secret, has been an important part of the strategy, Stupid as the monkeys are, even they won't endorse a plan to simply off themselves, or at least be fitted with a brain stem collar for complete obedience to Cthulhu. Some have even tried to get the secrecy lifted[Live News]. It is almost like they are are on to us, though our research tells us it is just the natural predictable irrationality of the monkeys at work here. As fellow minion Tim Groser said, they are "politically irrelevant". It is true that mistakes were made and the monkeys found out what we were up to in health care, Intellectual property, and investment, after that it was never going to be easy."

Spokes Pirate for Pastafarian Pirates of the Pacific, Captain Jack Noodle says, "Aye, this be cause for celebration! The Trans-Pacific Partnership was brewed from Gollum spells, psychic surgery, animal sacrifice,  homoeopathy and free-market dogmatism. No significant benefits from it could be demonstrated, it is best that it fail now, rather than at a time when people have to live with its consequences."

No comments:

Post a Comment