Wednesday, 19 December 2012

The war on Saturnalia

The following transcript was taken from a recent episode of The Orilius Factor aired at the public speaking forums in the Rome.

B.O.: "Beowulf news your source for for non-news, I'm Bilius Orilius.

Its Dec 21, 289 and tonight. Atheists following deceased cult leader Jesus Christ, are miserable and want you to be miserable too, which is why they want to destroy Saturnlia says Patius Son of Robertus. We have with us tonight Maria Constantine, thank you for joining us this evening Maria. and Davidius Agentum-hominem."
M.C.: "Glad to be here Bilius. "
D.A.: "Good to be here, Thank you, for welcoming me to the show."
B.O.: "Maria, what is it with you atheists, why do you want to destroy Saturnalia?"
M.C.: "We are not atheists we are Christian, we follow our lord and saviour Jesus. We don't want to destroy Saturnalia, we just don't celebrate it, we celebrate the birth of Jesus. "
B.O.: "But this Jesus guy, is not a god is he? What religion is associated with Saturnalia?"
M.C.: "Oh, yes he is. What religion is associated with Saturnalia? Most people would agree that would be Paganism."
B.O.: "Paganism is not a religion it is a philosophy."
M.C.: "Really?!"
D.A.: "Paganism has a philosophical component, but with the worship of deities and idols along with traditional practices it meets the definition of a religion. But if we ignore that, to say Paganism is not a religion is offensive to many Romans and others throughout the Empire, even perhaps the emperor. I'm atheist and I can clearly say these Christians you call atheists are clear engaging in a religion complete with mythical legends and supernatural agents. Despite it all being very implausible."
M.C. and B.O.: "WHAT!?!"
D.A: "Slaves for a country that didn't keep slaves, Water into wine walking on water, magical berries, Two men learning latin from a she-wolf, it's a bit far fetched."
M.C. and B.O. :"Damned Atheists!"
B.O: "And how about the trouble these Christians have been giving merchants. Get an ear full of this guy here:"
Mercent: "They are a lot of trouble, some ask for Christmas trees, don't know what they want, we've asked our wholesalers and they look at us like us have two heads. Some of the Christians settle for a Saturnalia tree, Then their holly men come and harass us for selling to these people. they are all too much trouble."
B.O.: "Can you see any way a round these problems?"
Merchant: "I don't know maybe we could repackage some Saturnalia trees as Christmas Trees, but we have to check with advertising standards."
M.C: "Christians shound't be Celebrating Pagan rituals, they are not Pagans."

B.O.: "Davidius, what is your view."
D.A: "Have all the Saturnalia, or Christmas you want, just keep off public land and out of the senate."

B.O: "Thank you, Davidius and Maria.
Next up,  we have Odious Pilicus, and his report on the centurion pay negations: Are liberals demanding too much salt and are barbarians really a threat to the empire?

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