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Monsenior Captain Ridi Culous, founder
of The Boulder Colorado Fundamentalist Navy of Pastafarian Piracy,
has declared war on Anti Bullying programs. “Arrrgh! Ye be an
abomination.” he said today.
This makes fundamentalist Pastafarians
the newest in a growing number of religious groups claiming that
anti-bullying programs curb the religious freedom of students and
pupils in public school.
“'Tis our freedom to honour our
Flying Spaghetti monster, we be fightin' for! Arrrr”
Asked what he thought of Christian
groups also opposed to anti-bullying programmes he responded “The
scurvy dogs be talkin' sense, these anti-bullying programmes mean our
wee pirate ragamuffins can't be free to excise their right to
keel-haul brigands an' infidels”. When asked about his use of the
term “keel-haul” he explained “Aye, Since we don't have a lot
of keels around here, we ceremonially place the brigands head in a
toilet bowl and flush.” We put it to Culous that a number schools administrators and parents had criticised the practise as "barbaric" and "had no place in civil society" and his response was "Lookie here, it is just a bit of fun for the wee ones and it affirms theirs faith in our beloved Flying Spaghetti Monster, nobody gets hurt, at least no one that really counts."
When asked who is usually
“keel-hauled”, “Them that cross us, or our beloved Flying
Spaghetti Monster. Often homophobic Christians, who have no concept
of the rigours of a long voyage at sea. Or Climate change denialists,
It is a matter of our faith that climate change is real, and man
made. Through the persecution pirates, our numbers have dwindled over
centuries, and this has angered our beloved Flying Spaghetti Monster
who has changed the climate to show his displeasure. We hold that we
must punish the persecutors our beloved Flying Spaghetti Monster's
chosen people.”
On contacting the official Church of
The Flying Spaghetti Monster, a spokesperson said “We do not
believe Mr Ridi Culous represents main stream Pastafarianism”
Just having a laugh - what do you think?
