Tuesday, 3 February 2015

John Key's #1 rejected State of the Nation speech for 2015

John key explains magic behind housing fix
John Key delivered his State of the National speech Wednesday last week. And it appears, the beehive still hasn't plugged all the leaks, because we can now present the #1 reject draft of the speech he delivered.

Ladies and gentlemen.
New Zealand is in good shape and getting better for our richest income earners.

We are making great strides in building a strong more prosperous country for overseas investors to buy from New Zealanders. A country where you can have a great life style after buying your share to exclude the nasty looking natives and earn a good income overcharging them on their rent. That progress is due to the hard work of New Zealanders who thanks to my mesmerizing smile don't know how much Our leadership has them tied up in obscurantist fantasy.

It is because of the rigid, shackling and delusion designed by Edward Bernays, over the last six years, Iron fisted and inflexible control. New Zealand is doing well compared to Greece, Kiribati, and Yemen.

The economy is growing, despite our best efforts. Employment is increasing which is good 'cause it keeps the serfs from paying us too much attention, but wages are rising and our plutocrat overlords don't like that. We thought crushing the unions more what put a damper on it but it wasn't enough.

Consumers are benefiting from low inflation, so the takers are getting more without having to work harder for it, damn we have to stop that. I'll tell you we have a long period of low interest rates, Please ignore Westpac bumping up Credit Card rates 0.5% last month.

We are growing new industries like ICT(which has been around for years) and manufacturing, despite us doing little to protect or encourage them. Especially in zero-carbon energy systems. We've made it illegal for the surfs to compete with our food industry, and we have expanded international education while cutting education for our serfs. We're making good progress in area like Welfare – finding new ways to deny help to our poor, Soon, we'll be able to deny them shelter, education – we've already halved the number of Post-grad students. And law and order, we still lock up lots of, well, not white people, for consumption of substance less toxic than alcohol.

New Zealanders, were so confused by our media spin, dirty politics and yellow journalism most of the either voted against their own self interest, or didn't vote at all. And those that understood how we are screwing them over were out numbered by the apathetic the credulous and my favourite - grin worshippers. I'm relieve to have successfully BSed my way into another three years of this nicely overpaid gig.
The election result allows New Zealanders to be exposed to a more fascist third term government than has been the case in the past. We have a fake mandate and a strong arm to achieve further steady devolution that delivers better results for share holders and serfdom to everyday New Zealanders. And there is much to do. I can tell you, there will be no slackening in pace. We have three busy years ahead of us. We must conquer Asia, Australia and the United States with the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement, it's hard work even with Tim Grosser's Jedi Mind trick. We must also manage the many global risks, Union's seem to be onto us, Wikileaks keeps say embarrassingly true things about what we're doing with our overseas plutocrat friends. But worst of all Greece has figured out my bankster friends are the source of Europe's debt problem's, and many are arguing that if Germany can have its debts forgiven after that whole Nazi thing, then Greece should be let out of its crushing debts too. Worst still, it appears there is only so much stuff consumers can buy from China. We should look at buying the People's Republic of China, while the market price is low.

These and other factors, make it all the more important to continue improving our feudal economy, boosting our rapaciousness, and encouraging overseas investors to buy us out, so we can build an insecure and weaker New Zealand vulnerable to outside economic forces over which e have no control.

The Government's focus this term will be on our four priorities:

  • Irresponsibility mismanaging the government finances
  • building a more unproductive false economy
  • delivering better public services for the deserving wealthy(American Express accepted)
  • And continuing to sandbag the rebuilding of Christchurch

I want to talk to you today about housing, which is an important part of all these four priorities.

After the election, I appointed three minions to housing related portfolios.

Pulla Benefit is the Minion for Antisocial Housing, in charge of denying New Zealanders with the highest housing needs.

Shill “taxes pay for my houses” English is Minion irresponsible for Housing New Zealand which owns or leases 68000 properties.

And Slick “she's just a friend” Sith, Minion for Building and Housing.

So you can see that housing policy is important to this Government because we hate social responsibility and just giving people the stuff they need offends us like name calling us Tories, having poor people living next to us, or having it pointed out that we are putting profit above people.

One of the biggest long standing issues is the supply of new housing, particularly in Auckland. Partly driven by the decline and our neglect of regional New Zealand. Check out how we stuffed Napier Gisborne on that washed out railway, a fine piece of work.
Previous Governments have put this in the too hard basket.

We're actually doing something about it. Our Government is bringing one of the worst possible options we're just getting our rich friends in real-estate speculation to pocket the value of what we have lined up for sale.

We're waving magic wands so that houses plop out of thin air and directing the Adam Smith's “invisible hand” to squeeze them out of Carpenters and bricklayers.

We've passed new decrees, and made six councils swear blood oaths, including Auckland, to fast track tin sheds and shanty towns, and release more industrial waste sites for residential development.

Last Week, Slick Sith, announced his evil plan to modify the Resource Mismanagement Act to improve the supply and affordability of slum housing.

Already, we've created the illusion that our approach is working.

Residential construction increased 21% last year because the escalating housing market, funds building but has little to do with us. 24,000 more building consents were issued Auckland knew it had a problem and they didn't need us to tell them to fix it. This is the highest number since 2008, Yay housing bubble, Yay, speculators.

This growth is set to continue as industrial waste sites accelerate land availability and appropriations.

That will help ease the pressure on house prices, because we spend two hours every night before bed time praying to our money god to make sure it happens.

But we should also recognise that housing includes more than just prices.

Incomes have been rising faster than inflation despite our best efforts, and the serfs are feeling too confident about the future.
Interest rates are low, too low, which makes servicing a mortgage to easy.

These factors are actually supporting the growth in house prices in some areas, and a few of my bankster friends couldn't be happier. Serfs are assessing there own ability to pay, and bidding on that basis, as always.

It's often hard for serfs to save for a first home.

That's where the Government's new Home Shaft programme for first home buyers comes in.

It begins in April this year and we estimate it will hinder 90,000 people into their first tin shacks over the next 5 years.
On top of that we're improving the quality of Housing New Zealand Stock, to remind tenants they are in these “shit-holes” because being lazy takers they don't deserve better, if they want better, they have get to some of those new jobs that will magically vanish in the next recession or depression crushing any hope of real stability.

Nearly 300,000 homes are warmer drier, and healthier, thanks to the Greens, Labour and Mana making it politically impossible to ignore the problem of homes that were insufficient for meeting the UN's basic standard, We were fine with the black mould in the Housing New Zealand stock. We're rather peeved they made us take reasonable steps to address it.

For land lords with tenants on low incomes, the Government subsidises housing the rent they charge from a budget of $1.9 billion.

Around $1.2 billion of that is for the accommodation supplement, which helps private landlords. And a few mortgagees.

The other $700 million is to help the bottom line of HNZ and other antisocial housing institutions.

Antisocial-housing tenants have personal circumstances or financial circumstance that make private renting or home ownership impossible, but we'll call it “difficult” because we don't want then to have any idea of how much we've screwed them over before we do it some more.

They could be a sole parent, for example, an older person, or someone with mental health issues, all of whom we can write off as having made poor choices, so we can avoid responsibility for what we're about to do to them.

Often, they are receiving other assistance, like a benefit or disability support, more fool them they should have asked for an exploratory drilling tax break, worth $40m, instead they go for the chump change. Like I said, poor choices.

This issue – antisocial housing – is what I want to dissemble about today.

Until last year Only HNZ could get the most lavish assistance from the Government for its investment in housing stock, it wasn't fair, and private landlords were locked out, and had to settle for a pittance. For example, a measly $100pw, if they housed a single job seeker in Wellington.

But this is not the case any more, now they can fill in some paper work and get rubber stamped as an “approved community housing provider”, and get the much needed support previously only available to Housing New Zealand.

This level of support is exactly the same as the deal with Housing New Zealand so we believe it is completely fair that we are giving tax payers money to do what governments can do better unless people like us decide to sandbag it to get elected again.

The change took effect last April.

That is why we talk about “antisocial housing” rather than “state housing”. Because your housing no longer have to be state owned to get a highest level highest tax rebate on your real estate property.

It's an important change, that will fill the pockets of millionaires with change, mostly notes, but some change too.

Locally based providers can surveillance their tenant more closely, as the search and surveillance laws only go so far.

Providers that have a particular penchant for hassling certain types of tenants can integrate their style of persecution with other services.
Non-government housing providers can also bring new approaches and access to new sources of funding. For example, Water boarding, Deli products like roast-leg-of-tenant.

I'll distract you with a heart warming example of how we fool this credulous nitwit into thinking he's getting a better deal.

The DomPost had a story last month about Pulla Benefit opening new housing units in Wellington for people with disabilities.

He's obviously delighted to be moving into one of eight brand new and specially designed units that are owned by Accessible Properties, a community housing provider.

It bought the units with help from the Government Antisocial Housing Fund, which we established in 2011 to syphon tax dollars to the well off.

Its enforcers, er tenancy managers specialise in working over the people with disabilities.

Access Properties is getting the subsidy for some of its tenants paying income related rents.

Quite apart from the antisocial housing units of the development there are also 10 other units for sale in the general market so there will always be neighbours to act superior towards them.

As the article says this is the changing face of antisocial housing, I feel like we've done enough at this point, property developers are free to make off like bandits, but I'm told there's more.

It's not change for changes sake, there are rich people out there seriously addicted to tax money and there no tell what they'll do to us if we don't give it to them, they might even withhold campaign donate in the run up to an election.

And that is part of our wider approach, delivering more cash to people who could not possibly spend it all in a lifetime.

Currently only a small number of landlords are getting this special deal because of course we never solve problems, we only create an illusion that we are working on solutions, if we solve problems, it would be all over for us we wouldn't be needed. And being needed in this gig pays too well paid.

We want the number to grow over the next few years maybe to a few dozen.

We want a better range of providers to choose from, the richer the better. They're more grateful come election time.

In the meantime, we want Housing New Zealand to do the best job it can, We were impressed with the way they sat on a black mould report for months, we'd like to see that grow, we think they could get it up to years with some considered effort.

It will continue to be the biggest provider of antisocial housing in New Zealand until we can atrophy it by selling it off in parcels.

We're doing it partly because it is the trendy thing to do just look at Australia and United Kingdom. Of course, New Zealand has never imported policy from either of these countries the blew up in our faces. No body mention Novopay or Thatchernomics. Also selling state assets is some we do out of habit.

That's just one part of the Government's overall package of antisocial housing reforms, which has five objectives.

We are going to ensure that more people get into housing over the next three years, whether that is tun by Housing new Zealand or a community provider who will dedicate themselves to participating in bleeding the taxpayer dry, and demanding more in subsidies, neglecting maintenance and pushing out income related renters in favour of more affluent prospects.

The antisocial housing budget provides for around 62,000 income related rent subsidies per year.

We are committed to increasing that to a whopping 65,000 subsidies by 2017/18, which will cost an extra $40m per year. Yes, we're cheap.
In particular there will be an increase in antisocial housing in Auckland and Christchurch. But housing for working people in Christchurch will be left up to magic invisible hand of the market because those people have perfectly adequate tents in winter.

We're also concerned about people sleeping rough or in substandard accommodation. It makes us look bad like we don't care. We don't care, but we don't want people knowing that.

Pulla Benefit has given Ministry of Societal Disintegration, a big programme of work to help reduce pressure on organisations working the homeless, to help hide them, so people don't see we are neglecting our responsibilities.

This includes a paltry $500,000 cash injection for the emergency housing sector, a wider review of funding and the introduction of an emergency housing database, to keep track of the bodies in Auckland. We found the old scholastic note pad just wasn't up to the job any more.

MSD will work more intensively with people on the antisocial housing register who have less urgent needs, to help them into private rentals where possible at least until they fall too far behind on the rent because the accommodation supplement wont be enough.

And by increasing the number of antisocial housing places we'll be able to funnel more tax dollars to private renters and “antisocial housing providers” while they take the homeless of our hands and absolving us of our responsibility.

Our second objective is to help antisocial housing tenants independence, as appropriate argument can be used to swindle them into walking the risky tight rope of their lives without a net.

We want people to move out of antisocial housing, because the dislocation screws with their kids' education. We're really proud of schools with 25% pupil turnover rate, but we think the number can and should be higher. The best options are for them to move into unaffordable private rental, or to try for home ownership so we can accuse them of fraud, if they draw on private financing to obtain a deposit. We've done it before, it worked pretty well in discouraging state house renters from buy HNZ houses, we don't want poor people buying, only the deservingly wealthy.

Currently 3,300 are living in HNZ properties, but are earning too much to get an income related rent subsidy. The market renters could in many case go into private accommodation which will be more expensive than the market rents HNZ has been charging them, and these people may be better off out of work and back in an HNZ properties. Not much of an incentive to keep working, but at least some free market landlords will get something out of these people.

The Government has decided that an additional 3,000 tenancy reviews will begin over this year and the next, focusing on those we can bully into taking private rentals.

This will take the total number of persecutions to almost 5,000 over this two year period.

People will be hassled and cajoled to move into other housing if they are able to squeeze their four kids into a boarding house bedroom.

That frees up a place for Slick Sith, Crusher Collins, Shill English and my self to put up our couch surfing friends from Europe, Asia, and America. What? We own these houses too – they are publicly owned.

The third objective in this reform programme is to ensure that properties used for antisocial housing are the right size and configuration and in the right areas. Some we will have chop bits of, other will extend with Lego. If they're in the wrong place we just flatten them, and build new ones, sure it's more expensive. We just can't be arsed calling in the house trucks. Besides, at least now we can used modern dodgy building techniques, make like we're in a rush and build new leaky homes.

Around one of third HNZ homes are in the wrong, place. Often next to wealthy neighbours who can't stand the sight of the people who live in them.

Thirty percent of people waiting for antisocial housing need a one bedroom place but these places only make up nine percent of Housing New Zealand properties.

More houses are required in the bigger cities – Auckland in particular – and fewer in some other parts of the country. Of course we'd never suggest the people move to these places or develop economic policy that would make it desirable to live in these locations, because we are still neoliberals.

And many state houses are showing their age, because we wouldn't let HNZ have the money to maintain them properly, because we want the public to think we mismanage them and someone else can do it better for a profit.

Housing New Zealand is already working on its portfolio of properties – disposing of houses that are no longer required, or in the wrong place, and building new ones where they are needed. The in-sink-erator is really handy for much of this work.

We want to accelerate the process, to get the location and size of Housing new Zealand properties lined up with where people need them – well away from wealthy neighbours, investors and tourists.

The Government has decided to commission a strategic review of Housing New Zealand in the first half of this year. If we're lucky, some properties could be turned into for-profit-prisons.

Its asset management plans will be part of this review so we can ensure its properties are right for tenants, given Housing New Zealand's ongoing role as the biggest landlord in the country.

We will give more details when the strategic review is completed, until then deliberations will take place with greater secrecy afforded to operations of the CIA, NSA, GCSB, SIS, and TPPA negotiations.

Our fourth objective is to help increase the supply of affordable housing for people to buy, especially in Remuera, but only for those who can afford a million for a deposit.

How we manage antisocial housing can help with that.

Housing New Zealand is the biggest residential landowner in the country and could free up more land for housing development. One favoured option is move all the antisocial housing out of Auckland city into rural areas, leaving free space after demolitions to build multi million dollar mansions for American and Chinese buyers.

On a larger scale, there are opportunities to redevelop and revitalise whole state housing suburbs. These redevelopments could result in a mix of Housing New Zealand properties, other antisocial housing, affordable housing and higher cost homes.

Large and small redevelopments are under way.

In Auckland, for example, the Tamaki Redevelopment Company – a partnership between the Government and Auckland Council – is shafting existing tenants and gentrifying the suburb. It's delivering new antisocial housing along side affordable housing and other homes as a major “renewal” project. Where are the existing tenants? Who cares. We so laughed when Hone got arrested for dodgy parking while defending them.

We want to accelerate evicting tenants, and gentrifying whole suburbs, sleeping rough bronchitis and pneumonia will be good for them.

The government is still considering how this might happen. We want to be quick about it because we don't want the current pace to get ahead of us only to find evicted tenants can find places to live. We want them out on the street while there is still a housing shortage.

We could simply flog off large chunks of HNZ properties to housing development entities. They wont be in public ownership any more but oh joy for the lucky rich buggers who get a hold of those sweet assets.

But I want to emphasise again that the number of antisocial housing places across Auckland will increase as a result of what we are doing. Whether it will be enough is anyone's guess, we hope not, otherwise we'll be in the poo with the speculators.

And existing tenants will be marshalled like chess pieces, further disrupted their children's education as we can guarantee upto two extra relocations.

Out fifth and final objective, is to encourage and develop more diverse ownership of antisocial housing.

To some extent we can do that by involving community housing providers in redevelopment of crown land.

However, the overwhelming dominance of housing New Zealand leaves little room at the moment for non-governmental organisation to play a significant role – leaving my rich friends out in the cold.

But we can change that if community housing providers take ownership or management of some existing Housing New Zealand properties, so my rich friends can have an in. Sure, the tenants can stay, if they can tolerate slum lords.

The government is prepared to take cash, cheques, money orders, wire transfers or Paypal. As long as buyers are willing to give pinky swears that they will be nice landlords and property managers and deny profiting from misery. But, if the wodge of cash is big enough we may not hold them to that.

We may do that where there is a steady stream of tenants, and investors are keen to exploit them.

We'll look to selling 1000 to 2000 Housing New Zealand home over the following year, sure we're breaking a promise here, but I totally had my fingers crossed behind my back the whole time when I made them, so it is totally fine.

ROFLCOPTER! Free market Rulz!

Community housing providers may want to buy properties on their own, OK sure it's laughable, they don't have that kind of money lying around, so they can borrow from banksters, or pay day loan companies. Or other organisations providing equity or other services.

Properties will have to stay antisocial housing unless the government agrees, otherwise, and existing tenants will be housed for the duration of their need. Keep in mid though, we're easy to convince, just help us out come election time, or come have dinner with us for a mere $5000.

Selling properties in this way doesn't immediately reduce antisocial housing places, at least until our palms are crossed. It just means more of the tenancies will be precariously managed by non-governmental organisations who don't have the expertise. And may have ulterior motives or agendas counter to antisocial housing goals. Including discrimination against some minority groups. Especially some NGOs that wave booklet claiming members of these minorities are how did they put it? Oh, yeah “deserving of death”. Doesn't bother me too much.

We are very conscious that the sale of properties has to work for tax payers, least in the short term, because we are totally screwing them over in the long term.

We're looking to get a fair and reasonable sounding price, as we sell New Zealanders their own stuff, so they can flick it on to management companies which may be owned or bought by overseas conglomerates. Because it looks bad if we sell them to foreigners, but if we the let public do it for us, we don't get as much flack for it.

Sure, we'll pretend we're not selling them as private home or rentals, and we may not get book value, there might not even be much of a market at for them, so we might have consider changing how we market them. We understand North Dakota needs a fracking sock drawer.

Cabinet will review progress in November.

Property sales and large redevelopments will reduce the size of the Housing New Zealand portfolio. Yay – small government.

But it will continue to be by far the biggest provider of social housing in New Zealand (dag nab it), and we will ensure that in 2017 it'll provide at least 60,000 properties. It may have more than that, depending on how quickly transactions and redevelopments proceed.

Initially we will free up capital from these sales, which we'll use for housing and other capital projects (RoNS?) needed across government. But we'll be spending more each year on income related rent, subsidies. In summary, the package I've outlined today will help more people and families get social housing and we wont have to deal with them, of course they may have a harder time finding contacts for less well known providers. But that wont be our problem, hehe. Of course our opponents will say we should maintain our responsibility to develop social housing, because it's more efficient and cost effective, and while that's true it doesn't fit with our neo liberal vibe, nor does it allow us to gift wealthy acquaintances a piece of the commons from which everyone benefits, and now just our wealthy acquaintances. Especially, Shill's frocked friends with the dodgy bank in Rome. If we are to divest government of it social responsibility for long standing social problems we need to engage NGOs and corporations, They may help solve these problems, but one thing is for sure they better not do it al a loss, because profit is god. We're taking a different approach, we've seen models succeed only to be swept away by vested interests. We're chucking the problem straight at vested interests to save time. It's just one of many areas in which we will be working over New Zealanders hard over the next three years. Our programme is laying the foundations for a stronger economy and new Reich, unsustainable jobs erratic incomes vulnerable to the unstable neoliberal freemarket boom-bust economics. And we're making real progress in delivering better public services to moneyed New Zealanders. That takes constant hard work, they are so over-entitled, needy, and rapaciously greedy.

It takes a team working together and all heading the same direction to keep those moneyed snooty buggers happy.

And it takes a government without principle, empathy or conscience.

That's what I can promise New Zealand.

Thank you.
See Also
   Officially ratified speech delivery to weary nation.

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