Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Oklahoma Tornadoes - FSM did it says preacher

Pastafarian preacher Monseigneur Captain Ridi Culuous believes he has determined the cause of the Oklahoma Tornadoes that killed more than people last week. In a statement delivered to the LA Times he made the following comments:
Aye, it's a tragedy to be sure, and we be 'aving sympathy and compassion for the survivors as mourn the lost, surely they would be fine deck hands in any pirate navy.“
“But let it be made clear, the most compassionate Flying Spaghetti Monster is tipsy and very disappointed by the rhetoric that has been employed in efforts to deny women their Flying Spaghetti Monster given 1st, 4th, 10th and 14th amendment rights.“
“Shocked by the passing of new laws to make terminations even difficult to obtain, his noodly appendage slipped allowing atmosphere to escape into space cause the extremely barometric pressures that are needed to create tornadoes.”
“For the sake of all deck hands everywhere, legislators must stop distracting our saviour with anal retentive legislation controlling the private affairs of deck-hands or their bar wenches.”
The comments are similar in some respects to comments concerning super-storm Sandy blaming the passing of legislation authorizing marriages between adults regardless gender. And comments by others concerning the tornadoes.

Meanwhile source close to the Ministry of Magic, believe practitioners of dark magic may have crossed the Atlantic, and are recapitulating their forces there in order to exact revenge for the vanquishing of Voldemort at Hogwart's School of wizardry. They say the Ministry is close contact and having candid information exchanges with Homeland Security. New Minister for Magic, The Honourable Harold Potter says "These events are very troubling, we are keeping a close eye on the situation. There does not appear to be any reason to believe that the Dark Magic extremist groups have summoned Voldemort, but if they do, we will act accordingly. We Will will work with other governments to ensure that these groups monitored an we will take action when live or property are threatened. We will not negotiate with terrorists."

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